what's a soulmate? | wolfstar & jily

Chapter One Hundred Forty Five

back room

"Where are you hurt?", Lily asked finally, her arms crossed. "I'm fine.", Remus swallowed.

"Remus Lupin, I'm already angry.", she said firmly. Remus sighed, lifting up his shirt, revealing bite marks, with blood and pus oozing out of them.

Lily didn't say a word, getting the first aid kit. "I'm sorry.", Remus swallowed, "Please look at me.". She sighed, locking eyes with him, her green eyes sparkling with tears.

"We sent out search parties.", Lily said thickly, "Marlene, Mary, Alex, they were looking for you still. I sent a Patronus. We've been looking for you, day and night, for the past month."

"I'm sorry.", Remus swallowed, "I just needed-"

"You can't just leave us again, we didn't know if you were alive. James was miserable- he thought it was his fault. Peter didn't talk for a week, he didn't sleep, he didn't eat. And Sirius?-"

"I won't leave again.", Remus said softly. "Good.", Lily said firmly, as Remus winced, the ointment burning the graze. "Where did you spend the moon?"

"I saw Boltknox.", Remus said, after a beat, "He had a place."

"Professor Boltknox? He's back?", Lily asked, furrowing her brow. Remus nodded, "Yeah. He's coming here next week to talk about something."

Lily nodded, bandaging the wound. "Get some sleep, love."

"I need to talk to the others, to talk to Sirius-"

"He'll be there in the morning. Go to sleep before you pass out, Remus."

the next morning

Remus was the first awake, limping into the kitchen, turning on the coffeepot. Thoughts ran through his head, of what he would say to Sirius, to James, to Peter, to the girls.

He took a sip of coffee with trembling hands, wincing at the pain in his side.

"Remus?"

Remus looked up, into Peter's eyes. "Wormtail, I'm sorry, I-"

Peter enveloped Remus into a hug, wrapping his arms around him tightly. "We missed you.", Peter said thickly, "We really missed you.". Remus blinked back tears, "I missed you too, Pete."

"Glad you're back.", Peter grinned, but then it dropped quickly, "You are back, right?"

"I am.", Remus nodded, "I just think the others are going to hate me."

Peter didn't get to finish his sentence, because James had woken up, staring at Remus as though he had never seen him before.

"Do you have any idea how worried we were?", James finally spoke, limping over. "We didn't know if you were alive, day and night we looked for you."

Remus hung his head, "I'm sorry.", he said, his voice cracking.

"I was so fucking scared, Remus. You don't- You can't just leave.", James said loudly. "James-"

But Remus didn't get to finish his sentence, James had wrapped his arms around Remus, sniffling into his shoulder. 

"Prongs, I'm sorry.", Remus choked out, "I didn't mean to hurt you."

"I know.", James said, muffled, "I know."

Lily walked out next, a tight smile on her face. "You knew?", James asked, as she kissed the top of his head. Lily nodded, "He came back last night."

A choked sob came from the back of the room. Sirius.

Remus looked into his eyes, opening his mouth to speak. "Remus.", Sirius choked out, running to him, "You're really here, you're-"

"I'm sorry.", Remus said thickly, "I can't- I shouldn't have left, I just-"

"I need time.", Sirius said, with some difficulty, "I can't-- not yet."

"Oh.", Remus swallowed, "Yeah, no, that's fine."

"Yeah.", Sirius said, turning around. 

flat 

The girls and Frank and Alex came to see Remus, all crying, yelling, and hugging him.

"I don't know what to do. He hates me.", Remus said quietly, his head in Lily's lap. Sirius had asked Peter and James out for drinks, pointedly avoiding Remus, and Lily offered to stay with him. 

"He doesn't hate you, Remus."

"He has a right to."

"Would you hate him if he left?", Lily asked, after a beat.

"I could never hate him.", Remus admitted, "I'm too in love with him."

Lily nodded, "He is, too. Sirius is- he's complicated, he just needs time."

"I don't want him to feel like he has to come back to me-- but I don't know how I would handle it if he decided he didn't want to.", Remus choked out, touching a scar on his nose.

Lily wrapped her arms around him, kissing the top of his head.

"I'm in love with him. I don't know what I'd do without him.", Remus said softly.

bar

"He hates me.", Sirius laughed drunkenly, sipping more. "He doesn't.", Peter sighed, his words slurred. "He doesn't hate you.", James, the only sober one, said.

"Remus left.", Sirius giggled, "He left."

"But now he's back.", Peter argued. 

"Probably to break up with me.", Sirius snorted, "Walburga always said I was too much for anyone to handle. Fucking damaged I am."

"Stop it.", James softened, "You're not damaged."

"Right.", Peter echoed. 

Sirius sloshed his drink around, "You're not just saying that?"

"I'm not just saying that.", James promised. 

"I'm in love with him. I don't know what I'd do without him.", Sirius said softly.