Every New Beginning... (Chris Evans AU)

.81.

*Unedited...but I didn't want to leave ya hanging too long*

Chris POV

  Jameson pulls his car into the parking space next to Opal's car. I mindlessly unbuckle my seat belt before reaching for the door handle. Jameson reaches out, placing a hand on my shoulder, giving it a small squeeze. I look back at him blankly.

  "You want me to stay with you?"

  "No," I answer, my voice void of emotion. "I'll see you in a bit." 

I step out of the car before pulling Opal's keys from my pocket. As many times as I've driven her car I've never paid close attention to her keychains. I move the keys around in the palm of my hand noticing a thin silver bar. On it is the numbers 12 and 15 with a heart engraved between the two. I smile ever so slightly as I realize it's the date I told her I love her, December 15.  On the opposite side is the numbers 1 and 2 with another heart between them. January 2, the date she said she loved me. I swallow down the tears that are threatening to pour from my tired eyes.

  I unlock the driver's door. As I reach for the handle I notice a couple of bags in the backseat. Curious as to what they could be I decide to keep myself away from checking her glove box, like she requested, for just a bit longer. The first bag I open must be my mother's as I see that it matches her bathroom theme of beaches back at home in Boston. I push it off to the side and dig through the next bag, seeing something wrapped in packaging paper. I pull the paper off to see a mug that I'm sure was meant for me. I crinkle my nose this time to push the tears further back.

  Finally I climb into the driver's seat, shutting the door behind me. I lean back and rest against the seat a for a few moments, trying to keep my breathing even.

  After counting to thirty I take a deep breath and lean over to the glove box. When I open it, my emotional state decides all bets are off as my eyes fall upon Opal's paper ring. I hold it between my thumb and forefinger, remembering that night as if it were yesterday. I pinch the bridge of my nose but yet I still begin to sob. I'd wanted so badly to propose to her that night, but I just knew it was too big of a risk.

Now I think about the fact that I'll never have the opportunity.

I should've begged her to run straight to the airport, catch a flight to Vegas and get married at the first chapel outside the airport.

I should've pushed her harder through our whole relationship. Then maybe I'd have at least had some time with her as my wife.

Or I'd have pushed her away and missed out on these last six months.

I miss the sparkle in her eyes. The one she'd have when she'd sass me, or be extra flirty.

Her sass. What I wouldn't give for her to bust my balls one more time.

The bright and airy laugh that could put a smile on even the most hardened of hearts. I want to hear that music again, play it over and over to keep my heart from breaking more each day.

If it wasn't for the fact that my phone is on vibrate I wouldn't have known it was ringing, the tone not coming in loud enough over the sobs wracking my chest. I take a deep breath, wipe at my eyes and answer.

"Hello."

"Hey baby. Where are you?" Ma asks me.

Another deep breath and sniffle in order to collect my voice. "I'm, uh, picking up Opal's car." And just with her name on my lips I start all over again.

"Shhh," Ma whispers through the phone. "I know baby, I know."

A few more moments pass as she tries to comfort me through the call, continuously saying that she wishes she were with me, that I shouldn't have gone to do this alone. "I had to, Ma."

"I know, but it's not easy." She pauses. "Did you find what she mentioned in the glove box?"

"Yeah, I did." The ring made from Sonic coupons sit in the palm of my hand. "I'll see you in a bit."

Knowing it feels like a now or never situation I finally crank the car, music beginning to flow freely, causing a small smile to play on my lips as I realize she had been playing the one CD that stays in her car at all times. What I wasn't prepared for is the song that was queued up.

And I'd give up forever to touch you
'Cause I know that you feel me somehow.
You're the closest to heaven that I'll ever be
And I don't want to go home right now

And all I can taste is this moment
And all I can breathe is your life
And sooner or later, it's over
I just don't wanna miss you tonight

And I don't want the world to see me
'Cause I don't think that they'd understand
When everything's made to be broken
I just want you to know who I am

I pull out my wallet and slip the paper ring into it. Wishing more and more that it still sat around the finger of the woman I love.

 I've taken a leave of absence from the precinct. Telling them that I'm not sure when I'll return. I can't seem to make myself go anywhere that takes me further away from her. They're supportive for now, but how long it'll last I'm not sure.

  As I drive to meet everyone else I recognize several places I'd been with Opal. I can't help but release a small chuckle as I come by the restaurant that housed Jameson and Lily's rehearsal dinner. I realize I'm driving down the same street that she took off barefoot down after breaking her heel. Stubborn as always, refusing to talk to me about what was going on that made her change moods so suddenly. 

  If only I knew then, what I know now. 

  It doesn't take long before I'm putting the car in park once more. Taking another moment to myself, surrounded by her presence that still resonates within this car. I want to stay in my small bubble for as long as I can, not wanting to return to real life, and yet knowing good and well that I have to at some point.

  I lock up the car, still leaving the bags in the backseat. Walking through the door I see all the somber faces that have surrounded me over the last few days. I acknowledge them the best I can, a small nod of my head, and set off once again, walking past them. 

  My stomach churns and my eyes begin to betray what little trust I have left in them as I approach the spot that has become my home recently. I take out my wallet once more, pulling out Opal's ring. I take a seat in the uncomfortable leather chair before sliding the ring onto her left ring finger. 

  "Where you belong," I whisper to no one except Opal as I listen to the sound of the beeping machines.