Every New Beginning... (Chris Evans AU)

.124.

The sound of rain against the roof, the wind whipping through the trees pulls me from sleep. The weather report had been the furthest thing from my mind as Pops has been taking up top billing ever since Chris got the messages in Vegas.

Vegas. Today was suppose to be very different for us. We were meant to be exhausted from other activities and yet here we are, drained from the large spectrum our emotions have encountered over the last day and a half.

In just a matter of seconds I went from the most joy and excitement I'd felt in my entire life to the harshest pain I've ever experienced. I know that in any given moment that pain can be replaced by one more severe. And I dread the reality of it coming true.

Even now my mind is the only thing aware of the storm raging outside, as I find it difficult to pry open my eyes. Instead I just roll over, never opening my eyes and sink down further into the pillow. The shuffle of my own body causing Chris to also shift, his arm now draped over my waist just before feeling his breath against the back of my neck, his light snores never ceasing through the movement.

I'm doing the best that I can to keep the resentment I have towards him at bay. I keep telling myself that whether I had been in Atlanta when we received the message or Vegas, I still would not have been with Pops any quicker. And yet, the smallest part of my heart is still angry with me for allowing Chris to encourage the reckless behavior.

Maybe I'm frustrated with myself for being in Atlanta at all. Why didn't I question that coughing fit Pops had when I picked up Granny's dress? I should've pushed him, but no, I suppose I was blinded by the prospect of being in Chris' arms again.

Truthfully, thanks to Chris, and my stupid walls I've let down, I've lost out on a lot of time with Pops. The trips to Atlanta, the New Years spent in New York. Knowing now that the time is getting even smaller just reminds me of the moments I've missed out on with the ornery man.

But then on the other hand, because of Chris, I've experienced things with Pops that would've otherwise never happened. Our Valentine's dinner, the pinning ceremony, the engagement.

How does one weigh these emotions against one another? This isn't something I've experienced before, having kept my heart guarded after my youthful indiscretions. For so long I was sure that the only man I ever needed was the old man that claimed me as his own child at the age of four. The man that never made me feel like I belonged with anyone other than Granny and himself.

Would I trade any of them for more time? Would I be willing to give up Chris to have had that time with him? Would I give up my future for more moments in my past?

All questions I don't want to answer.

All questions that as long as I keep them unasked to the world I can keep unanswered.

By the time my eyes are able to finally pry themselves open the storm has passed and the sun is shining brightly. Sitting up in a panic I realize the time must be later than we originally planned to be back at the hospital. I reach for my phone but then notice it's not on my bedside table. Looking to my right I see that Chris is no longer there. I rush to my bedroom door pulling it open in a hurry, noticing noise coming from the kitchen.

"Crap! Chris!" I yell as I run down the hallway, stopping short of the kitchen when I see Chris standing with two coffee cups. "What are you doing? Why didn't you wake me up? We're late!"

"First, here," he passes a cup to me. The steam rising immediately under my nose, filling me with the scent of pumpkin. "Second, I called the hospital. He's still stable and did well through the night. They're going to try and wean him from the vent this afternoon."