Every New Beginning... (Chris Evans AU)

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 *Unedited...sorry.

 Three days later and I sit in front of my 'homework' once again. I've stared at Question 2 every night since I completed Question 1, unwilling to move on to the next step, no matter how much it may help me. 

  True to his word this time around, there have been zero calls or texts from Chris. I've kept up with my side of this as well, and even though I still reach for my phone in the middle of the night I don't dial his number or even scroll to his messages. Instead, I go through playing old voicemails from him. I never really could bring myself to delete any of them. They date as far back as the week after Lily's wedding. 

  The days when everything was new, fresh and exciting. But who am I kidding? That was every day with him, and I miss it. 

  Question 2: What would you say to the person who hurt you most? Write a letter to him/her laying everything out. 

  Sweet mercy. 

  I guess I should just be happy it's not asking me to actually say all the things directly to said person, right?  Crap. I should probably look at question 3, I'm sure that's where the sucker punch will come. 

  Nope. Not looking. If I do, I'll say screw question 2 and give up altogether.

  I owe it to multiple people, other than just myself, to see this through. 

  With pen to paper, I begin writing.

  Dear Phillip, 

  That's right. I said Phillip. I can't in good conscience call you Dad or even Father, because I don't know you as those names. 

  After our last meeting I'm pretty positive I can guess how you'd react to the above statement. You'd tell me that it was for my own benefit that you left me. It was for my benefit that you broke my heart, leaving a four year old to question why her daddy wasn't coming to pick her up from her grandparents anymore. It was for my benefit that I grew up questioning my worth.

  You'd say those things, and then wonder why I couldn't see it as such. You see, there was a great benefit to me, but it's a benefit I could've still had if you'd stayed. Pops and Granny were never going anywhere, they were always meant to be a part of my life. But you, well you removed yourself from the family equation. Our family equation. 

  And as you so purposely made sure I heard, you have a new family. I know of at least one daughter, but I imagine there's probably more. She was due to get married soon, that's why you couldn't be bothered to help me by being tested for a kidney match, right? Yeah, I know about that too. I also know that even after the desperate pleas of my friends you never even bothered to check on me, to see if a match had been found. A match had been found, two in fact. A dear friend and the man I love both were a match, both willing to deal with the aftermath of a surgery such as that. Laura pushed off her move while Chris was willing to work behind a desk for the Police just to make sure I was able to live my life again. But you, you were so worried about your daughter's wedding that you couldn't even be bothered to be tested. 

  Does your family know I exist? Do they know the story of mom and James? Or is that just a part of your past that you so desperately hide away from those closest to you? Why would you not want them to know us? Why would you keep them away from their grandparents? Why would you deny me the siblings I always wanted?

  I'll answer those questions for you. You're selfish. I came to that conclusion after finding the letter when I was twelve years old. But after 'meeting' the new you recently, I'd call you narcissistic. You see, all that mattered to you that day was yourself. Your daughter was broken in front of you, lost the only parent she had left, and you chose to rub her face in the fact that you still have a family. Then, you asked the most hurtful question, without actually knowing that I've asked myself the same for years.