R A N D O M || OS

184. (MCU) Bucky Barnes -Confession

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Summary: after you almost die in Bucky's arms, Bucky knows he has to confess.

Pairing: Bucky X F Reader

Warnings: blood, shooting, disturbing descriptions of dying. Revenge killing bc Bucky wants to protect his girl. Fluff at the end (as usual)

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Her blood is staining his hands and drip, drip, drips from his wrists. He's cursing, she's heaving and writhes as he's pressing on the wound. Her hands scramble for something to hold, to grip something, to give her some sort of stability.

She doesn't scream in pain. She doesn't curse like he's cursing. She only gasps for air, eyes rolling in the back of her head, her flailing hands now beginning to rest.

"Goddammit, Y/N, you stay with me."

Her eyes are fluttering shut, eyelashes kissing cheeks. Blood spurts from her mouth, spraying the front of her suit and Bucky's arms. Her hair clings to the blood on her chin and cheeks.

She goes limp and he's yelling in agony, still pressing, hard, harder, and he's seeing white. Then hands. Steve's hands, covering Y/N's wound, and then Natasha's, grabbing Bucky's arms and pulling him away. Then Tony's, picking up her limp body and then he's gone.

Bucky stays, kneeling on the blood-stained cement, palms up, heaving, and he swears he is going to kill every last one of them. He won't rest until they're all dead.

He comes back to the compound, still covered with your blood and others. It's like he bathed in it. Eyes wild. Fists clenched. Tony quietly tells Bucky the news.

She coded. Twice. But she's stable. For now. His words are fuzzy and indistinguishable. He finds Steve's hand on his shoulder, shaking him, voice sharp, "What the hell did you do?" Bucky just blinks at him.

He doesn't respond. He turns away, still expressionless, and goes to his room. Steve's hand is covered with blood and he has no idea who's it is.

There are tubes and wires and he doesn't know where they go and where they end. He just looks at her expressionless face and pretends she's sleeping.

He's cleaned himself up, now wearing simple sweats and a white shirt. Hair pulled back. He moves yours from your face.

His fingers entwine with yours, and he ignores how limp they feel in his hand. How cold they are.

He tries to remember how she holds his hand when she finds him in some hallway, heaving and crying from the endless nightmares. Her hands over his own, whispering, "It's okay, Buck."

And all he knows is that he let her down. He wasn't there when the bullet ripped through her side. He could only run to her writhing body and put pressure. He could only watch her bleed out in his arms.

"Buck."

Steve stands in the doorway of the room, hands shoved in his pockets. Brows furrowed. Concerned. Bucky doesn't answer him or aknowledge him.

"You killed...every damn HYDRA agent that was left." Chastising.

"That's not what we do, Buck."

"What we don't do is let our teammates get shot. What we don't do is watch them bleed out in our arms. What we don't do-" Bucky is standing now, facing Steve- "what we don't do...is let the person we care about almost die. But here she is."

He points to Y/N, and his voice deepens so it's almost a growl. "Look at her."

"I am, Buck."

"No. Look at her. She almost died because of us. She covered you while you went into the bunker to save the day. If she went with you we wouldn't be here, Steve!" He's shouting now, tears in the corner of his eyes.

"The one thing I don't regret is killing the rest of them! So they won't hurt her again!" He's grabbing on Steve's collar, his knuckles white, and Steve, for the first time, is perplexed at how the two are fighting. They never fought. Ever.

Until someone Bucky loves gets hurt. And almost dies.

"You're blaming me," Steve states.

"Yes. Because those orders you gave her almost killed. Her," he shoves Steve away from him, and he turns away to look at Y/N and the tubes and wires that didn't have endings or beginnings.

"You love her." Steve watches Bucky, finally realizing how much Bucky loves Y/N and how her death could have altered him forever.

Bucky is nodding.

"Does she know?"

He shakes his head.

You awaken a couple of days later, but still put on bed rest and excused from missions indefinitely. Not that you minded. Your side hurts like hell, and you are exhausted.

Bucky has never left your side, even when you slept. Sometimes, you made him sleep in the bed with you, bodies turned to each other and he'd apologize over and over until you fell asleep. You tried telling him it wasn't his fault, not at all, yet it was futile.

He didn't cuddle. He only stroked your cheek or palm with his thumb and watched you sleep. When you woke up one evening, he eventually told you what he did to the rest of the HYDRA agents. You listened while his voice broke but you didn't chastise him for it.

And then he's kissing your chapped lips, hands cupping your cheeks, and your surprised but you love it. How his lips feel, how his tongue swipes across your bottom lip, and you follow him when he tries to pull away to apologize. You kissed him, he kissed you, all night until your lips were sore and you both couldn't breathe.

"I love you."

He's kissing you again, just one more time, and you soak in those three words and smile. "I love you." He repeats, serious, his stormy eyes looking into yours.

You stare back, eyes wide, nodding, confirming, "I love you," as you kiss him again, and he's tangled in your arms and the wires.