The Rising Star - Alexia Putellas

Part 6

Luckily the walk back to the hotel was a short one. I was completely zoned out, I couldn't concentrate. The fight with Ali, still fresh in my mind. The hurt expression on her face broke my heart. I really screwed up big time.

After a silent 10 minutes I was back in my room with some of the girls. They were all trying to talk to me or trying to lighten up the mood. But nothing was working.

Maybe Jacob was right. Maybe they're better off without me. I mean come on, I just hurted the person that has always had my back. I never had to ask, she just was there. Always.

"I screwed up" I broke the silence.

"Queenie, you both had a bit to drink, you both were tired from an exhausting day. Things like this happen from time to time. I bet that when the morning comes all will be forgiven." Lindsay tries to soothe my conscience.

It's not working though. "I need some air." I stood up and walked out of my room. My friends looked at me with pity. They knew that there was nothing they could say to ease my mind.

This is the point where the dark side of my mind takes over. It's the moment where I become a prisoner of my own mind. I made my way to the roof and sat down near the edge, mesmerized by the city lights. It's peaceful here.

I wish I could have said the same thing about my mind. Negative thoughts taking over. The fight with Ali, all the things Jacob has ever done or said to me. I can't shut it off.

He always tells me that I'm not worth his time. That he is the only one who loves me. That the only thing I'm good at is bringing people down. Everyday I try so hard to fight those thoughts, to not give in to them. But what if he's right? What if I am a burden to the people around me? What if I'm getting too tired of fighting?

I was spiraling in my mind until suddenly I felt a hand on my shoulder, scaring the shit out of me.

"Hey, chill. It's just me."

"Jeez, you scared the living crap out of me." I told her.

"Yeah, I noticed." She laughed. She took a step closer to me and took me in her arms. For a moment it was peaceful and quiet. Just like the others, the tall blonde midfielder knew that at this moment she couldn't push me. I had to be the first to start the conversation.

"I didn't know you were here in London." I told her almost in a whisper.

"Well, my sister and best friend had this friendly against England today and because that said best friend plays over there, I don't get to see her that much. Therefore I decided to hop on a plane and come to cheer them on. So you scoring that goal was all because of my cheering. You're welcome by the way." She grinned at me.

I just laughed at that comment. I'm really grateful that she's here. I don't get to see her all that much. I don't get to see most of my friends because I play over here in England and most of them are back in the States. I guess that's the hard part about playing here. Don't get me wrong I love playing at Arsenal but from time to time I miss my family and my American friends. Kristie being one of them.

"I really messed up today." I whispered on the verge of tears.

"Sam told me what happened. You made a mistake Ellie. It happens to the best of us. Don't beat yourself up for it. It's not worth it."

"You didn't see her face, Mewy. She looked so hurt and I did that. I caused that." I looked down at my hands. "I'm the reason she's upset."

"You know, I've known the both of you for quite some time now and I know that the bond the both of you have, is stronger than you think. I know you're scared that people will abandon you for no reason, but with us, with Ali, with me, you don't have to. Okay? I will never ever leave you. You're my best friend and I love you."