It doesnt matter that we're crazy

Chapter 37

He is still in a state of panic, his hands gripping at Izuku's shirt like a lifeline. Izuku grabs his hands, loosening them from the fabric and instead using them to lead him away from the door. 

Katsuki is in a daze, still stuck in his head. His steps are slow and soft, like he can't control his own body. 

Izuku leads him all the way up the stairs and into bed, putting the blankets over him. Katsuki lets out a deep breath he didn't even know he was holding, relaxing against the sheets.

 He feels heavy and all he wants to do is sleep. Izuku stands over him, his gaze conflicting. 

Still, he moves a strand of Katsuki's hair behind his ear and leaves him bundled up in the blankets. 

Katsuki falls asleep again, and Izuku makes soup. An hour or two later, Izuku goes up to his room and wakes Katsuki up. 

Katsuki is less out of it, but still mentally exhausted. Izuku stares at him with a blank expression, not really knowing what to do. 

"I made you soup. It's not as good as yours but..." 

Katsuki nods, rubbing his eyes and sitting up. Izuku had put the food on a tray and sets it down on Katsuki's lap. 

They sit in silence as Katsuki starts eating. The sunlight is still coming in from the window and it feels warm on their skin. It makes Katsuki feel tired again. 

"I'm sorry." 

Izuku, who had sat down against the wall next to the bed, looks up at him. Katsuki stares hard at the bowl of soup, not wanting to meet his eyes. 

The words are quiet and Izuku can only hear it because right now, you can hear a pen drop. 

"For what?" 

Katsuki sees the metal spoon in his hand shake. 

"We were supposed to go to the zoo today. Then all that shit happened and I..." 

Izuku doesn't move and the air feels slightly tense. Katsuki gives up on trying to keep his hand from shaking and puts the spoon down with a clink. 

"That wasn't your fault. I'll kill them for ruining our day." 

Katsuki stiffens and looks at him, eyes conflicted and mouth turned down slightly in a frown. Izuku looks back at him, eyes blank and menacing. 

"I..." 

Izuku watches Katsuki's lip wobble and his chest stings again with that feeling. Katsuki wipes at his eyes, the bowl on the tray slightly tilting. He grabs hold of it, gripping so hard his fingers turn slightly numb. 

"It's so fucked up! They both treated me like shit but i still... I still don't want to kill them! I don't know what's wrong with me... I'm... I'm terrified of them, i hate them, and at the same time i don't want to hurt them because they were the ones who took care of me when no one else would. They complained about it all the fucking time but..." 

Izuku listens as Katsuki breaks down and then stands up.