Finding myself

Chapter 92

Zara POV

I knew Blaze talked to my parents but he didn't ask me anything about it. There were times he would open his mouth and then just leave it hanging.

Good. The last thing I needed was him in my business all ready to 'talk about it' or whatever. He knew better than to ask me for that.

I am pretty sure that the gang heard about it too but they didn't look forward to talking to me about it either. The only one who could even bring it up without many issues was Zarine. But he was too shy so that settled it I suppose.

It has been bothering me for a while now. Zarine's relevance to me. He wasn't family but I treated him much, much, much better than how I treat my family. He had similar features and he looked like me. At first glance we looked like siblings, what with his red hair and all that wasn't very common even among wolves. I know for a fact that Blaze has been agitated ever since he found out about Zarine not being my brother. Still, our connection didn't make sense.

Even Zian didn't mind his presence.

It didn't make any sense.

That's why I had been scrounging around for a while now. I even hacked into some old records from ancient packs. Whatever was available digitally that is. They weren't that fond of technological advances as the other hacks. Claimed it messed with their integrity as wolves. That's one of the reasons they have lost power over the years.

I even searched the archives and finally, after much searching I finally had an answer. Guardianship.

Zarine was my guardian according to old records. Usually, guardians had an age difference but they were older than the ones they were protecting which made Zarine a rarity. That explained the almost instant bond we had with each other and how even Zian didn't mind him. In the olden days, having similar features to the ones they were protecting symbolized a deeper bond.

In any case, Zarine might be my relative if to a distant cousin or something which would make our ties stronger. He didn't remember much about his parents and I couldn't find much when I tracked them either. They weren't really in the system per se, damn digital aversion of the ancient packs.

But now that I knew what Zarine was to me it helped me understand our bond too. Now he needs protection that I could provide but one day he can be someone I can rely on. That thought was comforting. My protective instincts towards him finally made sense.

Not just for me but for Blaze too who had been closely following my trip around the libraries and archives trying to find information on Zarine.

The relief on his face was almost comical. His sigh was deeper than mine. I almost found it amusing. Almost.

H really as good-looking. And at times when I didn't want to rip his eyebrow piercing off, I appreciated how handsome he was. Nothing wrong in merely looking right? As he peered over my shoulder to read the contents of the book I remembered the past. What I would have given for him to treat me so then. But these were useless thoughts.

I sighed as he finally moved away and took the liberty of laying his head in my lap.

I scowled at him. He had been taking too many liberties with me lately. One of these days he might lose a limb or two.

He gave me a toothy grin as I held the heavy binder book above his face threatening to drop it if he didn't move.

He got the message and he moved immediately. But that still didn't stop him from following me around the entire day.

Blaze POV

The time Zara enjoyed the most with me was training. I could tell. She enjoyed any and all sorts of physical violence against me. That's why I had scheduled an impromptu training session with Derek as our date today.

Doing more things she enjoyed made me more likable to her. It was such a simple thing that took me a while to come to terms with.

But I didn't mind. As long as I had her attention to myself.

She looked breathtaking today with a dark maroon tank top and leggings. It was the only time I got to see her in anything other than in black or a hoodie for that matter. Raven watched us from the sidelines as per usual. I approved of their friendship mostly. It just got annoying when she got overly protective of Zara even against me. I used to have Jem at my side during these sessions but not now for obvious reasons.

I didn't mind Zara in her attire since it was just Derek here and he used to be mated.

He also asked us to reveal our offender tattoos. The ones that usually appeared on our faces from training. We usually hid them, but from both our styles it was obvious that we were specialized in offense.

I smirked when I saw hers was identical to mine. Even these were identical. Mates ad identical markings but not for offender tattoos. It's like the moongoddess made us right for each other in every way. I smirked at her while she glared at me.

Derek dismissed us and she left with a huff. Raven following her. Cute.

I stayed back to talk to Derek.

"She is getting stronger." He observed.

"The leash on her wolf is looser. That's where most of her energy was going. I think Zian is becoming easier to control now that I am making efforts to mend our bond. There's still a long way to go though" I said sheepishly and he nodded.

Derek was mostly helpful nowadays. He tended to go back to his old ways sometimes but he did attend sessions of therapy to help cope. It wouldn't last though. Mates with dead partners soon followed their partner. It was a given. I felt sorry for him.

But I still couldn't admit the role that Zara played in killing his mate. I can't let him know. Ever. I felt guilty for it. But I couldn't help it. Bluntly put, my mate came first. And Derek would lose his mind if he knew.

There was a good possibility of a bloody fight but given Zara's abilities, she wouldn't be an easy opponent either. I didn't want it to come to that. But if I am being honest even I haven't come to terms with the fact thy she may be a killer. How was I supposed to digest that? My mate, this pack's luna. It didn't make any sense. Despite her aggression, I knew she was kind.

"So how is the pack training going?" Derek asked. It pulled me out of my thoughts.

"Huh? Oh, it is going well." I said absent-mindedly and he nodded. It was made mandatory for 16-80-year-olds (excluding pregnant women and other wolves with special requirements) to get training. This was just a contingency but it has been going well. It boosted pack morale a lot.

All the chip implants were done too. We could move on to the farewell party soon. I didn't want to think of what I would do if she tries to leave. She already told me she would be leaving. 

Positive thought Blaze positive thoughts. Today she only threatened to drop a book on your face instead of ripping your eyes out when you laid on her lap. That's progress. Small but it is still there.

I reassured myself and smiled as I remembered how cute she looked when she stood next to me. She was a lot shorter than me and I had to look down. I could only see the top of her head. She could still take me in a fight somehow with all those disadvantages.

Everything about her was so enchanting to me. What she ate, her schedule, he hobbies. They were simple and nothing interesting but I still fasciated me most of the time.

I hoped I could continue to be fascinated with it and with her for a long time.