Finding myself

Chapter 117

Zara POV

I know Blaze had been happier seeing me more active than I used to be. Especially since he didn't have the mind link to guess at my emotions anymore.

But I felt like he should be more afraid now. My mind was racing with crazy ideas, crazy possibilities. So crazy that even I feared them. I didn't tell them to anyone because I didn't want them to disprove it.

But if there is any way they are true then I had to find out.

Still, one thing broke into my crazed search. Jason.

I needed to apologize for what I had put him through. I had to get it across that I was thankful for his help in the war. Although a part of me worried that he may have enjoyed it a little too much.

But he had still helped me. And he had been one of my, most loyal friends before the war. He had taken the brunt end of my rage towards Blaze and still tolerated my aggressiveness.

Until he learned that I had betrayed the pack that is. I guess what goes around comes around and for someone like him who values loyalty so much that must have been the bottom line.

So that's how I ended up texting him. I wasn't even sure he would show up. But he did in the end and a small part of me was happy at that fact. Hope bloomed in my chess. Maybe things could go back to what it was.

I must have looked like quite the sight because he took one look at me and said "Who died?"

I almost laughed at that. After having gone so long without the playful banter I had missed it so much.

I stopped myself though, afraid that he would pull back if I did.

He had strolled around and looked at my work whistling as he did so. The papers and formulas scribbled crazily over papers and strewn all over the place. But I am guessing he didn't understand much of the notes scattered on the table and stuck on the walls. Or he didn't care for it. Because he turned to me and said "what's up" almost nonchalantly.

"Umm," I said trying to gather my scattered thoughts.

Nowadays I was starting to feel like even Blaze didn't want to hang out with me so Jason showing up had been a bit of a surprise. I was acting like a lunatic. I didn't know what was real anymore and I didn't know how to explain it to him either. The only way to prove M.E's existence To prove what it can do once and for all really was to find where not was hidden. If it was true my life would be a lie and everything that I lived for would be a fantasy of Sam's. But at least I could let go of my guilt if it was all his plan. I was desperate to blame someone else already.

"I'm sorry," I said finally deflating. I didn't have the guts to face the group yet but Jason atleast deserved this much. In the span of two weeks, I had been stripped of my wolf and my mate blond. It was a lot to handle.

I looked up to see him looking at me with an odd look on his face.

"For what?" He asked.

"Everything," I said instantly.

"That's an awfully short apology for 'everything' isn't it?" He said bringing his hands up for air quotes and grinning.

I almost grinned back and I nodded listing everything I had done; He must have not expected it. He tried to stop me but I kept going.

Until I apologized for not telling him about my wolf either and how I could have and then blame would have fallen on him. That was thoughtless of me. He had bristled at that.

There was a long uncomfortable silence after I was done, Jason as mulling it over.

"You are right," he said.

"You shouldn't have tried to ruin me with the noble sacrifice you would have made." He commented and I slumped.

"You know I used to think that you acted the way you did because of the mate bond because he broke you. For everything you did, I held your mate accountable. I know now that I shouldn't have done that." He said and I nodded sadly.

"I always thought you were stronger than me. Better than me even for not giving in. I understand now that I was completely wrong." He said shaking his head and rubbing his temples.

"I am sorry Zara, but I can't forgive you after everything." He said before leaving and closing the door behind him. I turned to do my work. I only recognized the familiar warmth on my face after a few minutes- of tears jerking down. I felt a warm embrace around me.

Still no tingles. But that didn't stop me from turning back and leaning into my mate. He had been my rock these past few weeks. I guessed he would have to play the role for longer than I thought. He must have been listening in on our talk.

He told me he would be nearby if I needed anything. He had found me like that almost immediately after Jason left.

He had told me everyone was coming around. Everyone except Stacy and Jason that is.

Something told me already knew what had happened.

And so I spent the rest of my day in his arms, being consoled and just ready to forget everything.