Finding myself

Chapter 120

Blaze POV

It was a few days later that I decided to investigate what had happened. I knew Zara's side but if there was any way I could get more information or even something about the poison affecting our mate bond I didn't mind going around digging. It was now or never. I needed to get out bond back at all costs.

It took a lot of effort from Drake, Jake, Jason, and even Hails to stop Dex and me from going to the vampire alone and wreaking havoc. In the end, they had sedated me for a bit. 'Until I came to my senses' they had said. But I was thinking clearly.

The only reason I stopped was that Zara had convinced me that it wasn't a good idea. Especially since she still considered them friends and that she had wronged them in the first place. I thought about leaving secretly but I remembered the promise I made to never hurt her again. And this could hurt her. Even it was in her defense. 

I couldn't risk losing her.

That's why I had called Jem here.

I kept my face carefully blank and she looked slightly nervous. The tension was palpable in the air. It was still hard to believe that I had once thought she was the love of my life. I could hardly imagine spending my life with someone other than Zara now.

"I want you to tell me everything you know about your clan," I told her.

"I am not a double agent alpha." She replied coldly.

"That's right you are only a spy," I sneered and the guilt momentarily seeped onto her face before it disappeared.

"What do you want?" She asked with a sigh.

"I want to know what the hell happened to my mate when she was there," I snapped at her.

She gave me an exasperated lookout I raised an eyebrow and goaded her on.

She told me everything she had heard and that her information source was limited. Apparently, her brothers felt berated by her decision to stay back and pursue her mate. Who was still on the fence about whether to accept her not? It was a bold decision. She was in a precarious position.

They were even more offended when they learned who her mate was since he was indirectly involved in killing Sm. They had called her a traitor and she was an outcast now.

That was annoying. I was hoping to get some information about the poison they used.

Despite my incessant questioning, she swore to me that she didn't know what poison Stilts had given her that caused Zara to nearly bled to death on the arena. And something told me I could believe her. Despite her envy for Zara, she wouldn't do something so callous. She didn't know what Sam had used to break the bond either as it was kept very secretive. The only person who could ever know was Stilhts. But she could hardly get in touch with him.

We talked for awhile more where I grilled her for more information. Anything I could get really.

I even told her about Derek. And how Zara had killed his mare. Even Jem said it didn't make any sense. She had guilt-tripped herself so much for Sam and he wasn't the nicest person or anything. How would she ever kill an innocent? Questions. Questions, so many questions.

Eventually, I stopped. And there was a comfortable quiet resting between us.

I stood up ready to dismiss her.

"How did we end up like this?" Jem whispered.

"With mates who aren't willing to be with us" she finished and smiled and I couldn't help smiling back.