Finding myself

Chapter 109

"You look beautiful, baby." My mom said kissing my cheek.

I was in a red mermaid dress that hugged my figure in all the right places. I smiled at her in the mirror. It glimmered and looked expensive with extensive stonework. I hadn't planned on wearing something so extravagant and had instead chosen to go plain. This dress was a gift that mom gave me. After she ran it by Blaze to see what I would like. Apparently, this dress wasn't the simplest of the ones she had selected.

The dress was beautiful indeed and it complimented my red hair. My hair somehow looked lighter tonight. I had gotten the red hair from my father, his Scottish lineage to be precise. But his was so dark that it could be called brown. I didn't know how mine turned out to be a carrot top.

My anticipation was all for the war that was supposed to happen tonight. The dress had a slit in and had stocked some blades so it was easily accessible.

"It will be alright." My mom told me and I nodded. Yes, it had to be. I almost didn't want to let go. She would be stationed at the other end of the pack taking care of the wolves there. I was so scared.

"Remember no matter what happens, you will have me." She whispered. And I could feel tears prickling my eyes. I wasn't sure if it was from the anticipation and fear or if it was because I was genuinely touched by her words. I looked away. Hoping she didn't catch the emotion in my face. We had let my hair down as usual. It was so long that it had almost reached my knees but we trimmed it so it was waist length. We did it without Blaze knowing since he was reluctant to cut it for some reason.

Even my mom was reluctant, saying it was such a waste to but such beautiful hair but I told her it was becoming too heavy to move with.

I looked at the mirror again. I still couldn't believe that girl was me. She looked so different from my usual self. Zian's diva personality would have enjoyed all the attention but she still wasn't speaking to me. If I am being honest, the red dress reminded me of the time when Baze rejected me. I had worn a Red dress then too. I shook myself out of the trauma. Talk about PTSD.

I didn't want to wear the dress in the beginning. But my mum had to wear it in order to be regarded as the luna of the pack. The position came with some decorum, dignity, and elegance. I couldn't dress sloppily like I used to. Especially since the pack was under the impression that we had made up and that I had lost my mind from constant poisoning, the rumors that circulated I tell you. Then again they weren't that far off. I was being poisoned by my wolf. No one dared to ask me though for fear of ruining it. But Blaze knew pretty much everything from the bond. I didn't keep the bonds closed anymore. I didn't take it for granted. If the gang opened their bond to me they would find out too.

Amelia and Stacy hadn't invited me to get ready with them. That left me with Raven and my mom. I didn't mind though, tensions were high and the last thing I needed was a fight to break out distracting us from our goals.

Raven also looked stunning tonight. She wore a knee-length black sequence dress with a sweet heart neck line that puffed up from the waist. Her black hat looked shiny and sleek let out in a cascading waterfall behind her all coupled with her high heels. She looks like a ballerina but her personality was so far off that she just became a walking irony.

I suddenly felt someone slide something cold across my neck and jolted back to see my mom hooking a simple necklace. It had an amber stone in the middle that complimented my eyes perfectly. All in all, I looked... beautiful. So unlike myself. So unlike how I felt. So unlike how everyone should be viewing me. I had half a mind and to throw it all away.

The gang may be disgusted. They had kept my secret about Sam under high wraps, that's why the pack still respected me. If I showed up like this they might get disgusted enough to actually leak my secret. Not that I wouldn't deserve it.

I turned to see my mom in a simple, but a pretty green dress. No one dressed as extravagantly as me. When I asked about it she told me it's pack decorum. That no one out dressed the luna unless it was their wedding. It was a kind of unspoken respect they showed.  Luna represented their pride and identity as a pack.

I sighed cringing at my hoodie wearing days. I had a long way to go. Much to change if I was serious about this. My mom had much to teach me too.

It was later into the evening that Blaze finally showed up to escort me.

He looked stunned. My mom joked that we may have to pick his jaw from the floor.

He finally came to.

"You look breathtaking luna." He told me and I could feel the warmth on my face as a blush crept up. He bent down to kiss my cheek. To be honest, he looked incredibly handsome too, like a vogue model come to life. He had even removed his eyebrow piercing since this is a formal event. I thought back to all the times when I had wanted to rip it out of his face. Yes, I decided. I missed it. And because werewolves healed fast, by tomorrow morning, he would have to get another piercing.

"I would like to see where that blush leads to." He whispered secretively in my ear. And I blushed harder. I had pale skin which made the redness very evident. My ears and down my neck and chest would look red. Wearing a red dress I must look like a tomato.

My mom had looked proud to look at me. She proceeded to the party before us. My dad would be joining her later this evening when he returned. But usually, the last to enter must be the alpha king and his luna. That was decorum again.

So we just walked around the balconies near the gardens while the alphas crowded in the downstairs hall. This was the hallway I had laid bleeding in while Blaze trained downstairs. Everything seemed too far away now. I wouldn't wish to return to then as it was one of the toughest phases of my life, but I wished I could get a do-over. Nostalgia is a funny thing.

Blaze and I made small talk. He seemed to have sensed my mood but he didn't bring it up, probably afraid of ruining the mood. We commented on the wind and the trees and the general mood tonight even the weather. Anything and everything to avoid the elephant in the room. Finally, there was a comfortable silence. But Blaze had to go and break it.

"I love you, Zara." Blaze said calmly with conviction. As if it was always coming. There was no quiver in his voice. But I could feel his nervousness from the bond, that I would reject him and choose someone else. It took courage to say that.

"Why?" I asked and he looked at me confused.

"Why do you love me?" I asked, looking into his eyes. It was enchanting. Those cool electric blue eyes looked at me with so much adoration now. There was a time they would fill with disgust and anger when they watched me.

"Because you are my mate," he replied as if it were the most natural thing in the world. It made sense.

I don't know what I was expecting but I was disappointed. I made sure to not let it show through. On my face or through our bond. It was a slight feeling. A pinch at the corner of my heart. I looked away mutely and closed my eyes, enjoying the wind. What was I supposed to say? Blaze seemed to have expected this reaction and for him, no reaction was a good reaction.

I felt warmth encapsulating my hand. Before he could continue, I interrupted him.

"We should go downstairs," I told him pulling my hand away before he could catch hold of it. It was a subtle rejection. He carefully masked his expression. I wasn't the only one hiding things it seemed. I didn't have any right to judge though.

We made our way downstairs. It was finally time to make our entrance. I rolled my shoulders in anticipation of what was gonna come and I touched my thighs lightly to make sure all the blades were still there.

The light was bright as the doors finally opened into the halls to announce our presence.