Finding myself

Chapter 118

Zara POV

I flung the papers in the air. My research into the M.E had been useless. I hadn't uncovered any new information after that day.

Maybe these papers were too precious to be stored in a computer?

I had read many discoverers and Sam's plans again and again and again almost obsessively until I could recite the words from it by heart. I looked for a clue so desperately but found none. I was reaching my limit.

I didn't know how to go any further than this.

And then there was a knock on my door. I didn't respond but the person opened the door and confidently strode in.

I looked up to see Jem. I knew she felt as helpless with Jason as I did but vampires hardly ever get exhausted., Maybe I finally understood my ancestor's envy for their youth.

She threw a bunch of papers at me and I stared not registering the words on the papers. This was a joke right?

She stared at me blankly as my picked up the document.

"I heard from Blaze that you were on a research quest." She said shrugging.

"Figured I would help, this information isn't really stored in our digital archives." She said and I shook my head. No, it couldn't be. It's not fair.

The paper read- "M.E - disproved, the reasons why M.E would never become an experimental success under the universal laws."

My hands trembled as I leafed through. Page after page of practical aspects, reasons why it wasn't possible, and the equations to match raced through my head.

No, it can't be.

"That's the reason he brought you in in the first place, He wanted to see if you could get it to work. As you can see to was an overambitious plan as even you can't stretch the laws of the universe for yourself. " she said and sat down ion the floor opposite me.

"He understood that early into the training. And settled to make a weapon out of you instead. You were an invaluable asset to him at least in the beginning" She said.

I believed that I also believe that eventually, he had come to love me in his own messed up sadistic way, he had loved me.

That's why he never mentioned the M.E after the first couple of days. Why I never got to see it. Otherwise with my skill level I should've. I shouldn't operated it way earlier. Of course it didn't exist.

"I am sorry Zara." His last words echoed in my mind again,

"For what's coming," he had said.

Is this the sort of disappointment he had set for me?

His words took on a new meaning.

One question still nagged ay me though.

"If not for the Memory alterer then how did you change your form?" I asked and she cocked her head.

"Ah.. you are asking me about how I remain a child without the M.E aren't you?|" she said with amusement.

"Because even if the M.E failed, the youth pills had succeeded." She said and I gasped.

The experiment I thought had failed had succeeded while the experiment I thought had succeeded had failed. I wanted to rub my head from the enormity of it all.

"So you are telling me, my ancestors actually made the youth pills from your blood?" I asked and she nodded.

"I almost got caught some days, it was very difficult to get the amount right. I looked more baby-faced or mature somedays than the rest. But you guys didn't notice though. Disillusioned by your own beliefs or whatever" She said and it made sense.