Finding myself

Chapter 37

I don't know how I survived without damaging Blaze's pretty face. If this is the first session I am so looking forward to the others.

I was frustrated by his sudden attack and how it caught me off-guard. It should be my instinct to have landed one on him at the time. Maybe it is all the emotional pressure of keeping up with this charade that took so much of my spirit.

I am losing my focus. And I know exactly who to blame it on. My supposed group of friends.

Some bunch they are. From now on, they are not going to get the time of my day. I know it sounds immature. But if I can't handle a small sneak attack because of them, what am I supposed to do?

I almost tackled Blaze with my frustration as I knew he kept picking on my emotions due to the slipping block I placed on our bond. Surprise, surprise! Even that is slipping.

He knew my frustration and he poured oil into the fire every time he caught my eye with that godforsaken smirk of his. I almost felt sorry for Jem, who was curled with a book in the corner. She had no idea to the man-child she was signing up for. What kind of king is he anyway? And what the hell is wrong with her? Why isn't she finding his excessive attention on me offensive?

I think he just wants our attention.

Zian remarked. And while I knew that explained many things like the invitation to this training, I was still in denial.

So that's how I ended up losing control and tackling him again. I was becoming a mess. And it is everyone's fault. Every damn werewolf here. No wonder Jason was still in the hole he dug for himself. With all these wolves here, I am no longer in control of myself. Maybe 3 years of exile wasn't enough.

I want to be with Sam. I miss him. Or more so the stability he provides. At this rate, it won't be long before the mate bond gets to me and makes me crazy.

I'd rather fight and be angry about my situation rather than cry myself a river. It took years of training to get here. And yet it doesn't seem enough. I am not ready. I want to go home to the vampire kingdom.

Zian scoffs at my thoughts or vulnerability, I don't know what. And I lose control again.

All I could see was red, and I ended up destroying half of the gym equipment. I do remember Derek pushing me away from scratching Blaze's face out. But the rest I have no clue.

Zian was in full control, and all I could register in my rampage was an annoying female scream that sounded like Jem's.

By the time Derek and Blaze had me pinned, Jem's face looked like a honey bee stung it. And Raven, well she looked a little taken aback.

Blaze and Derek were both emotionless masks.

I hated feeling so vulnerable.

I hated my inability to stop myself from being vulnerable.

I hated that that made me even more vulnerable.

And we have a vicious cycle here.

No one had said anything as I had ripped off my training gloves and threw it hard before marching away.

I think that Blaze would not expect to see me there again.

It was after a few steps did I realize the running steps behind me.

Raven caught up to me as I walked briskly. She handed me the hoodie and I rolled my eyes before wearing it and stuffing my hands in its pocket.

This is why I liked hoodies so much. It gave you a sense of secrecy. Like you could hide away anything from the world.