Finding myself

Chapter 5

I stared ahead blankly. We were in the cafeteria and I couldn't get it out of my head. Blaze is my mate? No, this is not possible. I stared straight ahead. Amelia has been giving me worried glances for a long time now.

"Oh and I forgot, here's your cap." Thankfully I had a replacement cap after miss perfect had taken it off my head.

I banged my head against the chair and looked up at the ceiling.

"I can't believe it, Amelia," I said. I just can't. I sighed and shut my eyes with the back of my hands.

"Why wouldn't my mate wait for me? Why? What is wrong with me? Do I lack anything?" I asked her.

"Nothing is wrong with you sweetheart. Don't take it personally. It is just that Jemima was always there for him. She was the one who brought him back. You know the hard times he had gone through" she reasoned. Oh yeah, that. Apparently, rumor has it that Blake's mom was beheaded before his eyes by Samuel the vampire king. Pretty scarring for a kid of five if you ask me. But I was two at that time! How was I supposed to help him? Besides, Jem and he were good friends even by the time I came. I never stood a chance. I was always a wallpaper who saw their friendship bloom into something more than that.

"But I am his mate. His perfect other half. Why would he throw that away for a girl who merely helped him go through a tough time? I have gone through that myself. Hell, I am going through it right now. But I don't have anyone to help me."

She opened her mouth to argue.

"Dammit Amelia, you aren't always there with me. And I completely understand why you can't be of much help" I seethed. Amelia is the second daughter of the alpha and has a lot on her plate with the pressure coming from her mother (the luna is upset about her daughter's lack of position on the pack in the future.) I don't need to add to that. Besides, many have lost their respect for her when she started hanging out with me. What more could I ask for?

"It is just that I never got a chance. It was over before it started." I whispered as my attention was focused on the couple at the center table of the cafeteria. My tears fighting to break free. I felt so weak and vulnerable right at this moment. And I hated it. I felt Amelia's touch on my shoulder, soothing me.

I slapped her hand away.

"You know what, I don't believe it! It is impossible. He can't be my mate. There has to be a mistake. The moongoddess has someone better for me. She doesn't want me to suffer anymore. I know that..."

"Zara..." Amelia interrupted

"No! I am sure. It can't be. My mate is the one who can save me from everything right now and that's not him. They can be mates for all I care" I seethed and glared at the happy couple that everyone's attention was focused on. Look how cheerful they were! The jocks around Blaze teased Jem and she blushed and buried her head in Blaze's neck. The rest of the cheerleaders and the popular girls were also teasing her. They all looked so happy for her. Words like "Cute couple" and "Perfect match" could be heard over all the other chatter. Maybe it was just me. How I wished to tune it all out.

Amelia looked at me concerned. That's when the brown haired girl from before came up to our secluded table.

"Hi, I am Marilyn." She introduced herself.

"Can I sit at your table? My friends are being real jerks right now" she said. I uttered an incoherent reply while Amelia greeted her warmly. Great another first impression of mine is in the sewers. Amelia is always the friendly one among us. And while I am not always so rude, I am not entirely trusting either. Amelia is the only person I trust. Ever since the age of seven and a half, she was my only friend here. I am 15 now, so you can do the math. I was always the unnoticed nerd. Even then I had a crush on Blaze for all my big talk. I only saw him in hallways, but it was always the same. Even then Jem was a goody two shoes and in Blaze's class, which is 3 years above me. He finishes school this year and within a year or two, he can be alpha.

"Hey, Zara." I dragged my eyes to Amelia.

"My father told that is better to celebrate his birthday and welcome party together. He is going to be 18 soon when he can find his mate, so it will be a big party." Alphas find their mate only at the age of 18 while others can find theirs when they are 16. All the more time for them to drift away from their real mates. I mentally scoffed at my thoughts. But I admit, they are supposed to have the strongest bond.

"It is in two days." She added nervously. Marilyn squealed and my world crashed.

Two days? He may come about to know me in two days? I know I was happy to meet him and all. But with the current situations, I am far from that. But who cares? He is not my mate or anything.

I watched with a breaking heart as Blaze finally pulled Jem's head from his neck to give her a peck on the lips. Her blush deepened and he gave her his bad boy smirk. My stomach revolted even though I haven't eaten anything.

"Oh, you have a silly crush on him" Marilyn's voice broke through to me. I directed my glare at her. Amelia shook her head fast and motioned her to zip her lips. But did the stupid girl listen? No, not as long as there was snow in the North Pole. I was not only pissed that she understood my feelings for him, but also called it silly! How dare she? My 8-year crush isn't silly.

"It is cute actually. But you have got to admit, they are way cuter together. And you are way out of his league." She said, giving me a once over. Amelia glared at her. My chair screeched on the floor as I got up. There was a snowball's chance in the fires of hell that I wouldn't hit her, so I quickly stormed out of the room and into the hallway.

I wanted to punch something and I punched the wall nearby.

"Ow... dammit,was" I said as I scooted to the bathroom. I may have broken a bone or two though it wasn't anything new. I held my hand under the cool water as my breathing calmed down.

Incredible pain could be felt in my gut and I broke to my knees, crying my heart out. I took out my phone to call dad. He didn't pick up. Why would he want to? He didn't raise up his daughter to be so weak and emotionally unstable. I hated myself right about now.

My sobs slowly turned down to little hiccups. I got up and freshened myself. I knew I had already missed three of my classes, but I couldn't care less. I was ahead in my classes anyway.

Amelia must have known that I needed time alone.

Just as I stepped outside, I heard a voice I never wanted to hear again.

"Zara baby..."

I crash landed with a weight on top.

"Get off of be Jason!" I said

"Come on, give me some credit. I was concerned when I didn't see you in any of my classes." He pouted

"Ugh...We only met today doofus. Now get up." I said

"Love is beyond time baby. Besides I like this position." He whispered the last part, giving me his signature 'I-am-hitting-on-you' smile.

"Awww... isn't that cute? The nerd and the nerd a couple." I heard Jemima gushing. I looked above the jerk's head to see her standing there with her hands on her cheeks. The others in the popular crowd were also giving us wolf whistles and everything. Wait... the popular crowd? That means...

Blaze stepped out from behind Jem.

Oh... the wonderful times, I imagined us meeting in different romantic scenarios. None of them were in front of the girls' toilet. And certainly, none of them had a lunatic on top of me.