Band imagines

Life is hard..- patty walters

I sat in bed waiting for the inevitable, I was waiting for dad to walk into my room and tell me to get up and go to school.

He came in to wake me up today and he didn't seem like he was in a good mood. He hasn't been in a good mood recently, it's something to do with the band but every time I try to talk to him he just yells. Today I felt the worst I've ever felt. I don't feel like leaving the house today, I had a sinking feeling that something bad was going to happen if I stepped outside the door.

I was on the verge of a breakdown from all the yelling going on in the house the last few days, my older brother has already left for school since he has no issue with leaving the house, I admire him and his ways. I look up to him and I copy what he does, he smokes, I started smoking too because I see how it makes him feel okay and that's what I crave ever so badly; just a moment of peace.

There will always be a difference between him and I, he's the favourite. He gets what he wants given to him on a silver platter and I get the bare minimum.

"Y/n why aren't you ready for school. Get up now." Dad says through gritted his teeth as he opens my door seeing me still laying in bed with my phone in my hand scrolling through Instagram with music playing in the background.

It weird to think that hearing my father sing can calm me down in an instant and bring me some form a serotonin. Is that weird?

I hear him singing a completely different to the way I see him at home; is this because that's how I wish him to be all the time? I can't expect that from him..

"Y/N GET UP NOW!" I hear him yell from somewhere in the house. Mum, Dottie, is at work so it's just me and him home. I let taro into my room hearing her whine at the door, she snuggled into my arm, comforting me.

"Morning baby.." I whisper kissing her face, she closes her eyes in content but I knew that wouldn't last long, bless her. I was right, dad came in once again, "get up! I'm not fighting with you on this! You will listen to me!" I sighed feeling taro snuggled more into my side, she can sense I need comfort and was delivering.

I sat up in my bed after he slammed the door once more and threw on some clothes from my floor, I procrastinated and continued to scroll through my phone with music playing. I was slowly bringing myself to leave, it just took me a while to breathe before going.

"COME ON Y/N!" He swings the door open this time leaving it open, I felt tears rush to my eyes, they dared to fall.

"I'm not doing this with you y/n. You do this shit every fucking day!" He screams from somewhere downstairs. That was all it took.

"FUCK YOU! I'm trying my fucking hardest! I try every day and I struggle to get up! I hate you! I hate you so much!" I cried slamming my door, at this point taro had left the room at my yelling. I probably scared her but I know I'll make it up to her with bunch of cuddles later on.

I picked up the closest thing to me and threw it across my room, along with a few other things. I ripped down all the posters and drawings on my wall without a care in the world, I knew I'd regret this later but in the moment it felt like the right thing to do.

Destroying something I had worked hard on felt good. Destroying something of my own making.

"Whatever y/n." I hear him sigh. "Dramatic as always." I fall to the floor in a heap letting out all of my emotions at once, the feeling hit me like a ton of bricks but soon dissipated and I'm left with the familiar feeling of being numb.

I sat against my wall staring at the wall across from me with dried tears stinging my cheeks, I didn't have the energy to move or wipe my cheeks. I embraced the stinging feeling feeling like I deserved it.

I was dying for a cigarette but I ran out so I was completely stuck with this feeling.

I thought that the crying would have have made me feel 'okay' for a little while but I still felt the tightness in my chest of a breakdown and I knew it was going to happen again soon.

I finally stood up and walked into the hallway crashing into my dad, we stared at each other for a moment before I hugged him. I wasn't huge on affection and didn't like hugging people but it felt necessary.

"I'm sorry." I cried into him but he soon let go. "Do you have an exam?" I shook my head. "Go do your classes online." I nodded walking back into my room.

I sat on my bed checking my phone again, I had a text from Ben.

Ben: hey y/n, how you doing today?"
Opened 11:04 am

He would text me daily with the same thing and it never failed to bring a smile to my face.

Me: I'm doing alright, you? X
Opened 11:04 am

What else was I supposed to tell him? I couldn't tell him I just yelled at dad and broke down crying, he doesn't need to hear that.

Ben: you going to school today angel?
Opened 11:05 am

I sighed softly reading the message before replying.

Me:of course! What do you have me 
down as Benjamin?
Opened 11:05 am

Ben: just checking, take it
easy will you x
Opened 11:06 am

Me: always xx
Opened 11:07 am

I'm really trying.. I swear I am.

I hung up all the posters and drawing once again and flopped onto my bed again, I hate having the same routine every day. It's driving me insane.