Band imagines

Silence is deafening- Ashton Irwin

I stared up at my ceiling, trying so damn to fall asleep. I had done everything to try to fall asleep, I counted sheep, I read a fucking book and god knows me reading a book was a rare sight, I tried a hot shower but nothing was working. I was out of my sleeping meds so I didn't have the choice at hand like I usually do.

I fucking hate insomnia.

I craved nothing more than a goods night sleep and not feel like a zombie throughout the hours of the day. I resulted in counting the stuffed animals hoping that counting the same stuffy would make me so bored my lids would glue shut.

I was close to putting music on to help me battle the haunting silence that surrounds my room and throughout my house. I hear footsteps outside of my door, realising it was probably my roommate, Ashton, coming home late from the studio. The simple sound of his footsteps were almost deafening in the silence. I didn't like it, it was unsettling.

The footsteps had stopped right outside my bedroom door, I could see the faint shadow showing under the door frame. Sleep was the least of my concerns right now.

I forced my body out of bed placing a gentle hand on the door knob, I went to speak the words lingering on the tip of my tongue when I heard soft sniffles, which quickly silenced me.

I knew it would be Ash since we were the only people living in this house. Only the thought of him crying made my heart sink a little. Maybe he had a bad day at work and wanted to speak about it?

I sighed and opened the door, not wanting Ashton to go to bed crying at something that had hurt him enough to cry over it. I knew he would do the same for me if I needed him to.

Ashton was leaning against my door with bottle of whiskey in his hand, I could only take in the imagine for a small moment before he tumbled into me, it took me by surprise but I managed to hold him up. I couldn't help but smile at the way he looked in my arms at that moment.

I threw one of his arms over my shoulder to steady the stumbling man, my hand tightening around his waist. It was a struggle since he's significantly taller than myself but I'd do anything to make sure he's okay. I laid us both sprawled on my bed messily, I took the bottle from his hand which was threatening to spill its contents across my carpet. I set the bottle down, focusing my gaze on the vulnerable man laying face down on my bed.

A small sigh slipped through my lips, I turn him over on his back so he wouldn't suffocate in the duvet which was not designed for the sweltering weather outside.

He only groaned and peeled his eyes open, his gaze bounced around the room not focusing on anything in particular. He had dark circles around his eyes, sticking out in contract to his pale skin. Something was eating him up inside, what if this wasn't the only night he's been stood outside my door waiting for me to realise because he didn't have the guts to knock and let me know he needed someone?

"I love you.." Ashton said in a tone that made it hard to hear, but I did. His hazel eyes stared up at me from where I sat beside him on the bed, I wanted to chuckle and say I loved him too, there was no harm in loving your best friend in a platonic way. Was it platonic?

But there was something in his eyes that made me rethink my next move. He looked hurt. He looked sad, ready to cry a fresh set of tears. The looks of such seriousness in his face made me freeze and not know how to react. 

It was unnerving to say the least.

I opened my mouth not a single sound coming out, I desperately searched my brain to find but it felt as if there was nothing in there, not a single thought roaming my head which was unusual for me. On a normal day I would have every thought running rampant. I wanted to tell him it was okay, my my mouth just simply hung agape at a loss for words.

His eyes fully focused on me, I watched his whole world shatter. I could see his heart break into many unfixable pieces due to my lack of response. I watch as his blood runs cold, tears springing to life in his beautiful eyes.

He frowned, sitting up. He looked as if I had just broke his favourite thing right in front of him and tried to cover it up with lies. I couldn't do anything but stare at him, watching intently while he silently begged me for a response. A single word even.

To say I felt the same way.

Or to shatter his world even more and say I didn't love him the way he wishes I did.

His voice came out in a frail, broken whisper again. "Please just be my best friend and not the person I just confessed my love to." I just nodded and held my arms out for him, inviting him to sleep as peacefully as he could in them.

He looked me in the eyes quickly as if he was asking if it was alright for him to do so. Even with his entire world crashing in front of his eyes he still wanted me to be there with him.

Ashton threw himself in my arms, not bothering to hold back the gut wrenching cries any longer. It broke my heart to see him in such a way, it hurt to know that my own doing had him feeling this way.

I pulled him as close as I possibly could and rubbed small circles on his back in attempt to comfort the crying man. "Please don't cry, I can't stand it when you cry." My voice matched his in a hushed whisper, as if we spoke any louder we'd wake the entire world.

The night was no longer silent.

It was laced with his heart clenching cries. Seeing your best friend crying in your arms was something no one wished to see, I felt my eyes burn with my own tears but I fought the urge to join him. One of us had to be stronger for the other right now and I wasn't going to force Ashton to comfort me when what sounded like years worth of bottled up cries were leaving his body.

I made the small effort to brush some falling tears from his red cheeks, "how can you look so attractive while crying?" I said under my breathe hoping he hadn't been able to hear me over his crying.

What he didn't know is I felt the same way.

I wanted to tell him that my love for him was rooted deep in my heart, "why don't you stay in here with me tonight, while me and bear keep you safe from the monsters." I reached the cabinet that held my childhood stuffed animal.

Ashton looked up at me with tired eyes, I knew he needed to rest and now was not the time to confess my own feelings for the drummer. He let out a defeated chuckle, "yeah that sounds nice.."

And suddenly, the silence wasn't so deafening.