South park oneshots

Kyman - Maybe I don't hate you

Eric was sprawled over his couch,  a family sized bag of cheesy poofs open on his chest, watching old re-runs of Terrace and Phillip. " Eric sweetie,  mummy's gonna have some friends over soon in her bedroom,  how about you go and get some ice cream? " Liane cooed from the kitchen.  Eric groaned,  reaching for another cheesy poof,  only to realize that the bag was empty.  He sighed loudly and switched off the TV,  grabbing a red hoodie and some matching trainers.  " Moneys on the side honey! " Liane sweetly called,  receiving an annoyed " Fuck you mum" from her son. Eric rolled his eyes and walked out into the street,  heading straight to Kyles house. He kicked at stones to entertain himself,  and opened his phone to look through his gallery.  He swiped through his album,  smiling fondly at the photos of the angry Jew he had taken after he had stolen his hat. He secretly loved his vibrant red curls,  and longed to run his fingers through them. He shook the thoughts out of his mind,  disgusted at himself,  and closed his phone abruptly as he reached his frenemys house. He walked up to the door,  impatiently knocking. Kyle opened the door,  surprised to find Eric staring back at him. " Uh hey Cartman...  What do you want? " Eric grabbed his arm,  shouting " MRS BROFLOVSKI ME AND KYLE ARE GONNA GET ICECREAM" Kyle raised his eyebrow,  but allowed himself to be dragged out of the house. " Fatass what the fuck? " Kyle asked blankly, tired of the bullshit Eric always pulled. " I'm bored,  hungry and my mum gave me £50." Eric stated,  suddenly aware of how close their hands were,  letting go of his friend who continued to walk along side him. Kyle sighed. " You know I have diabetes right? " Cartman laughed proudly at this.  " Im taking you to a solely sugar free parlor because unlike some people I am thoughtful" Kyle blushed at the fact that Cartman would sacrifice his favorite thing in the world for him.  " What the fuck Jew why are you all red,  I thought daywalkers didn't burn in the sun. " Cartman teased. " Ah we're here!  Come on! " Cartman said excitedly dragging him inside. The boys were exctatic to see no line,  and rushed up to the counter. " One giant sundae, with every single topping you have,  extra everything. " Cartman ordered,  placing a large amount of his money on the table. " Two spoons" Cartman smirked at Kyle. Kyle rolled his eyes and went to find a table,  settling at one with two comfy chairs opposite each other. " Oh..  You guys are like that" The teen at the counter speculated,  wiggling his eyebrows.  An evil smirk spread across Erics face,  as he nodded,  knowing it would piss off Kyle. He went to sit in front of Kyle,  who was texting on his phone.  Cartman grabbed it,  quickly reading the messages before Kyle could snatch it back. " WHAT THE FUCK GIVE IT BACK" He screamed,  swiping at the phone

Super best friend: I honestly don't know why you put up with that guys shit dude.

Me: Me neither man

Super best friend: but he clearly feels the same way so you have to tell him. Trust me bro.

Kyle snatched the phone blushing and  pulled his hat over his eyes.  " Pleeeeeeease tell me you didn't read that. " Cartman shrugged. " I don't know why you're so worked up,  I already know you hate me" Kyle gratefully sighed at this,  but was concerned when Cartman looked downwards sadly,  his mood suddenly dropping. " You can go or whatever if you don't want to be here,  its not like I wanted to hang out with you,  you fucking..  Fucking..  Jew or whatever. " Cartmans insult had no punch,  and that confused Kyle more than anything. " Eric..  I don't fucking hate you ok? " Kyle snapped,  his blush growing darker when Eric met his eyes. " Oh really?  Then what was all that about! " Cartman said angrily,  motioning towards the phone. " Ugh..  I just..  I was..  He was talking about.. " Kyle was cut off by a huge bowl of icecream being placed down in front of him,  the huge candy heart sticking out of it making Kyle bury his face in his hands. Eric looked at his distraught friend,  and decided he didn't want to fight anymore. He grabbed a spoonful,  making sure to coat it in a large amount of sprinkles,  marshmallows,  nuts and syrup. He then grabbed Kyles chin,  lifting him to look at him,  and placed the food into the gingers mouth. Kyle smiled gently,  licking his lips and grabbing a spoon. He scooped up a large bite,  and held it towards Cartmans mouth in silence,  looking away in embarrassment.  Eric chuckled,  eating the food,  deciding to take this as a truce. He noticed some sauce next to his friends lip,  and without thinking,  reached forwards to slowly wipe it off. He licked the syrup off his finger,  and blushed when he saw kyles wide eyes. " What? " He smiled,  continuing to eat the icecream. Kyle quickly went to eat the cherry,  his eagerness making Cartman scoop it up to tease him.  " Erriiiicccc...  I want ittt" Kyles begging and use of his first name made Cartmans face heat up,  and dissolved the last bit of self control he had left.  " You can have it.. " Eric began sneakily " If you come and get it" With that,  he placed it in between his teeth,  smirking. Kyle saw this as a challenge however,  and leant forward,  surprising the larger male. Kyle  pulled the stem of the cherry,  accidentally removing it from the fruit. " Shit" He cursed.  " You're gonna have to try harder if you really want it" Cartman teased,  and the Jew quickly pressed their lips together,  making Cartman open his eyes wide,  to see Kyles shut tight. Kyle pushed his tongue into Erics mouth,  and pulled away victorious,  swallowing the cherry,  a smile spread across his face. Cartman stared in shock at Kyle,  as he continued eating like he hadn't just made out with his enemy. " K... kahl.? " Eric stuttered.  " What? " Kyle asked casually,  eyes focused on the food. Eric quickly got up,  walking to the counter. Kyle opened his phone.

Me: HOLY FUCCKING SHIT DUDE YOU HAVE NO IDEA WHAT I JUST DID

Super best friend: You're an idiot.  Whatever it was.  You're an idiot.

Me: I.  FUCKING.  KISSED.  CARTMAN.

Super best friend: HOLYSHITDUDE

Me: I KNOW!  HE HAD A CHERRY IN HIS MOUTH AND HE SAID TO GET IT AND I REALLY WANTED THE CHERRY AND I REALLY WAANTEDD TO KISS HIM AND OH MY GOD WHAT HAVE I DONE

Super best friend : How did he react???!

Me: HE RAN TO THE COUNTER

Me: SHIT HES COMING BACK BRB

Kyle closed his phone,  taking a deep breath to calm his pounding chest.  He looked up nervously,  and was surprised to see an equally nervous Cartman holding a bowl of cherries. " You wanna uh..  Do that again? " Cartman asked,  putting one in his mouth. Kyle smiled and bit his lip,  pulling Cartman down by his collar and smashing their lips together. The sweet taste of the ice cream filled both of their mouths as their tongues fought for dominance and the cherry slipped from mouth to mouth. Cartman pulled Kyle up from the chair,  lips still connected.  Both boys pulled away for air,  and hugged each other tightly. " I love you,  you fucking Jew" Cartman laughed. " and maaayyybe I don't completely hate you either" Kyle giggled.