South park oneshots

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" Ugh this is hopeless! " Stan groaned,  deleting the message he was about to send,  switching off his phone and shoving it in his pocket. " You really are shit at this huh? " Kenny chuckled as he watched Stan pouting. " Hey guys" Kyle smiled as he walked out of the room,  recieving a wink from Kenny and an annoyed grunt from Stan. Kyle looked at Kenny in confusion,  asking him silently what was wrong with their friend. Kenny smirked in response,  leaning against the locker. " Someone's pissed because he can't get laid" Kenny grinned,  making Stan blush and scowl at him in response.  " Its not that!  Its just..  Ugh.  Im so hopeless man. " Stan groaned,  leaning his head on his locker with a thud. " Hes trying to get his crush to notice him,  but he can't flirt for shit" Kenny explained. " Oh.. " Kyle said,  trying his best to hide the hurt in his chest from hearing that Stan liked Wendy again. " Why don't you practice on Kyle?  Show him what we're working with here. " Kenny grinned,  proud of his idea. " Kenny! " Stan hissed through his teeth, a red blush dusting over his cheeks again as Kenny finger gunned him,  walking away.  " You're welcome Stannnn! " Kenny sang as he left the two. " You think that would help?  I do kinda wanna see how bad you are at it. " Kyle chuckled. Stan bit his lip in thought before finally nodding.  " Okay..  Yea this might work" He agreed.  " Uh... " He began,  coughing as he rubbed the back of his neck nervously.  " Are uh..  Are you a Minecraft fence? " He began,  making Kyle grin as he tried to hold back laughter.  Kenny wasn't joking. " Because uh..  Because I can't get over you. " Stan finished, and Kyle burst into laughter.  " Hey!  Its supposed to be sexy! " Stan chuckled,  punching his friend lightly. " Ok,  ok" Kyle said,  holding out his hands in surrender as he wiped the tears of laughter from his eyes. " What about uh,  what about you try doing what they do in films.  You know,  the guy leans on the wall in front of the girl an-" Kyle smiled,  not properly registering what Stan was doing as he spoke. "Like this? " Stan interrupted,  pinning Kyle to the lockers by placing a hand next to his head and moving so close that Kyle could feel his breath on his face.  Kyles face turned bright red as his smile turned serious and he tried to stay calm as his heart raced in his chest.  He could smell the toothpaste Stan had used this morning,  and he couldn't help his mind from wondering whether his mouth still tasted of it.  " Kyle? Kyle! " Stan asked,  stepping back as he waved a hand in front of his dazed friends face.  " Huh?  Oh,  sorry" Kyle laughed nervously as he snapped out of it. " Yea,  like that" He nodded,  rubbing his arm nervously. " You got any other tips? " Stan asked thoughtfully as Kyle returned to his normal colour. " Uh,  I'm not really the best at dating either,  so I mostly only know things from Kenny or TV" Kyle admitted.  " You should maybe try complimenting her?  Seems to work for Kenny" Kyle offered as Stan looked back confused.  " Her? " He asked " Yea,  your crush" Kyle responded " Oh you think-" " Well yea obviously it's Wendy,  who else would it be.  Its okay though I wont say anything. " Kyle smiled bitterly,  trying his best not to let it show how hurt it made him. " Anyway,  try complimenting me" Kyle shook his head,  still focused on helping Stan be happy even if it wasn't with him. " Oh uh,  okay" Stan shrugged,  leaning back on the locker with one hand,  this time a little further away. " Your hair is so beautiful,  its so shiny and soft,  and the colour is so...perfect. " Stan smiled honestly,  twirling a loose curl of Kyles hair sticking out from his hat. " Ye..  Yea using your uh..  Using touch like that is uh..  Effective too" Kyle stuttered. He shut his eyes tightly for a second,  reminding himself that Stan was talking about Wendy,  not him. " And your skin,  it's so soft" Stan smirked,  stroking Kyles cheek with a new confidence that he didn't know he had.  He was enjoying this way too much. " And your eyes are so bright,  they look like emeralds, " Stan breathed out,  making Kyle furrow his eyebrows in confusion.  " Wendy doesn't have green eyes,  does she? " Kyle asked confused as Stan blushed a little as he realised he had let too much slip. " Uh..  Well I mean I never said that she was my crush" Stan spluttered nervously as he moved back to standing normally in front of Kyle. " Oh.  Well if it's not Wendy you should make it really obvious to the person that you like them.  People can be pretty dense about this stuff,  especially when everyone is used to you being obsessed with Wendy. " Kyle said helpfully,  oblivious that Stan had just accidentally exposed his crush on him. Stan took a deep breath before looking at Kyle with a look of determination.  " I love you.  Not Wendy,  not anyone else.  It's always been you and I've been so stupid to try to hide it by dating her. I just..  I love you so much and you are so important to me.  Please,  be mine? " Stan said,  trying his best to keep his voice steady as his nerves filled his chest with butterflies. Kyle looked back at him with the darkest blush that Stan had ever seen and wide doey eyes. " Y.. Y.. Yea..  Just tell her like..   Like that" He stuttered,  flustered and red. Stan chuckled,  blushing slightly at his friends density.  " Kyle you idiot" He shook his head smiling as Kyle looked back in confusion. "..  What? " Kyle asked,  lost. " Kyle it's you!  My crush is you! " Stan laughed as Kyles blank expression slowly changed when he realised.  " Oh..  OH! " Kyle smiled as he started laughing with Stan. " Wow I'm dumb" He giggled,  before Stan met his eyes smiling.  " So,  what is your response? " He asked,  the smile on his face not hiding how nervous he was for his friends reaction. Kyle smiled,  figuring that Stan had done enough of the flirty stuff for today. He grinned,  pulling Stan into a kiss. When they finally pulled away for air,  they looked at eachother happily with flushed faces.  " I'll take that as a yes? " Stan chuckled,  making Kyle nod as he laughed too,  hugging him tightly.  " I fucking love you dude" Kyle grinned. " I fucking love you too"