Irresistible [h.s]

Chapter 33

It's been a week since the night Harry and I went to the club, and ever since we've been pretty good. When I woke up the morning after, Harry teased me a bit on how I acted when I was drunk, since that was the first time he'd ever seen me like that. Even that is nothing compared to how wasted I used to get.

I used to get black out drunk constantly, and if I'm honest, I don't know why I did, it was horrible. It was never fun getting that wasted, it was miserable, that's probably why I haven't done it for awhile. I also used to drink underage constantly, the chance of getting caught was exciting to me, it's like it made me want to do it more.

To say the least, I was trouble. I did illegal things here and there but somehow never got caught, I did have to flee parties quite a bit due to cops crashing them though. I never had fun at parties actually, I went to them for the drinks and loud music and trying to escape what ever problem I had at the moment.

I've always ran. I run from anything, any problem I've had, I run, I mean hell I still do it still sometimes. I'm trying to get better at it though, now that I'm with Harry, I can't run anymore. I'll admit, sometimes I still want too, I still have that part inside that wants me to push him away and be all alone again so then I know I won't get hurt.

Thing with that is, being alone fucking sucks. I never knew how lonely it actually was until Harry came along, now I don't think I could ever go back.

I love him.

I love him to the point that it nearly hurts. It feels like my heart is going to burst and I need to scream everything I've wanted to tell him. It's a feeling I can hardly fathom, let alone explain. I feel this warmth in my heart that spreads like wildfire with every touch or look. He's taken up my entire mind, it's impossible for me to stop thinking about him, even for the slightest moment.

When I'm not with him, my heart aches to be near him, to look at him, to touch him. When I'm around him, I feel lighthearted and free. Anytime I'm around him, I'm in pure bliss and with every passing moment I'm with him, I can slowly start to feel the broken parts deep inside of me start to come back together. Loving him has healed me in ways. I feel complete, I feel whole again.

It all feels like a dream if I'm honest. I don't know what I did to deserve this happiness, this love, but whatever it was I'm thankful for it.

I also had another nightmare again recently. I woke up to Harry shaking me awake, and when I opened my eyes, I saw that he was so scared and so worried. I hate that he has to witness my nightmares, especially with how bad they scare him. He asked me what it was about, he nearly begged me to tell him because he wants to help, but I didn't tell him, because there's honestly nothing he could do.

He doesn't know that me telling him what my nightmares are about will upset him ten times worse than the nightmares themselves. It's honestly probably better if he doesn't know, but is that really my call to make? To say what's better for him and what he can handle and what he can't. I know it's killing him not knowing what they're about, because he feels helpless, but I know if I tell him, it won't be easy for him to hear.

I come out of my daze when I feel someone jump onto the bed, making me jump a bit. When I come back to my senses I see Harry laying on his side, with his arm bent, letting his head rest in his palm. He stares at me with a small smile playing on his face, making his entire face glow. My gaze falls down on his body as I notice he's only in shorts.

"See something you like?" he speaks, the corner of his lips turning up into a smirk.

I shake my head and look down, pinching my bottom lip between my pointer finger and thumb, trying to hide my now rosy cheeks. I hear him let out a small chuckle, making me raise my eyes, letting my gaze connect with his.