Irresistible [h.s]

Chapter 85

It's been three days since Harry got drunk with Mason.

I still can barley fathom everything Harry confessed when he came home drunk that night and we talked about him leaving. I never knew Harry thought about it that much because we never even bring it up and when I do, Harry usually tries to avoid the conversation. So considering we never really express our feelings on it, I never knew the way he truly felt about it.

I mean I knew he wouldn't be happy abut going back or anything, I just didn't know he thought about it often and that even now, it breaks his heart that I won't go with him. Hurting him is the last thing that I want to do but I need to think logically and ahead instead of impulsively. If we break up when I'm there, I'd be stuck in a country I've never been to if I don't have the money to get back. Yes I would have Harry and he's more than enough, but I would also be away from Sage and the place I'm familiar with and love.

Then if we broke up and I found a way to get back, I would of lost my place to live and my job. I would be royally fucked. Yes there's a possibility we don't, and I start my life over there with him but is that a risk worth taking? There's just so many risks attached to me moving there with him and like I told him a few nights ago, I'm scared. I'm scared of something going wrong when I'm over there and being stuck in a country I know nothing of.

But truthfully, I'm also scared of being without him. I'm scared either way. I know Sage thinks I'm an idiot and thinks the answer is quite easy and obvious, but for me it just isn't. I would love to be able to give up everything for Harry but I've never done that before and it terrifies me. Maybe I'm being selfish and only thinking about myself, but this isn't just about what would work best for Harry. It's also about what would work best for me. It's what would work best for the both of us.

Distance will kill us and I know it, but Harry isn't willing on staying here and I don't quite think I'm ready to move to England with him. I know how happy I could be, and Harry and I could possibly have the greatest life there. I don't only think about the negatives when it comes to moving to England. I've always wanted to go to England and having Harry be able to show me around sounds like a dream. I would want to go with him, but I just don't think I'm strong enough to bring myself to come to terms with it and say it.

I want to go with him, and then the risks come back into my mind and it makes me waver my decision. It's an endless cycle. I hate it. I hate having to make this choice because I feel either way I'm fucked. I know it could be so easy and I could just go with him, but many people don't really understand my view. Yes if we were in some movie, I'd run away with him after only a few months but this is real life. It's much more complex.

After Harry and I went to bed that night when we had that conversation, I started beginning to feel sick. My head would hurt and my body overall just felt very weak and I had absolutely no energy whatsoever. When I went to the doctor, they just said that I was dehydrated and that I need to drink more water and rest some, and I also had a high fever which explained my headache. Thankfully it wasn't the flu or anything contagious because I would hate to get Harry sick.

"Here you go" I hear Harry speak up as he walks into the room with a bowl of something in his hands. I see steam coming off of it as he walks towards me, gently handing it to me. "It's chicken noodle soup. The usual sick soup" he mumbles as he interlocks his fingers in front of him, gazing down at me nervously.

"Thank you so much. You didn't have to" I drag out in a higher pitch tone as I look up at him, a wide smile on my face as I hold the soup in my lap.

"Of course. I know how much I like soup when I'm sick so I thought it would be nice if I made you some" he replies, shrugging his shoulders before he rocks back and forth on the heels of his feet.