Ohne Dich (Sequel to Stirb Nicht Vor Mir)

Chapter 31

December 17, 1999

"Shh!" I chuckled as Ville shouted that he loved me. "Ashton's asleep."

Just then, Ashton started crying. Ville covered his mouth trying to hide his laughter, but I shoved him and flipped him off. I ran upstairs, grabbed Ashton from his room, but quickly felt that his bottom was squishy. 

"VILLE!" I shouted. 

He ran up the stairs and approached me. "Yes?"

"You woke him up. You can change him."

"What?!"

"You heard me."

"Fine!" He grabbed Ashton and started gagging as he smelt him. 

I laughed obnoxiously and decided to help him. He was my son and I needed to help take responsibility. Ville threw out the diaper, and I took a shower and got dressed. 

"Where are you going?" He asked as I kissed him goodbye. 

"I'm going to meet up with Neil, remember?"

"Why?"

"To discuss the schedule for Ashton."

"Oh, right. Are you taking him with you?"

"Ashton? Yeah."

"I'll get his shoes on," Ville grabbed his tiny shoes from the closet and put them on his feet. 

I grabbed the car seat and put Ashton inside of it. I kissed Ville and went into the car and drove to Starbucks to meet up with Ashton-his choice. 

As we arrived, Ashton started crying. I took him out of his car seat and asked him what was wrong, but soon realized that that was pointless. He wouldn't be able to understand what I was saying. I rocked him back and forth, but he just continued to cry. I looked down and one of his shoes was off. 

"Oh, you're throwing a fit," I smirked and put on his other shoe, making him immediately stop crying. I shook my head and chuckled, but walked right inside. 

I loved Ashton with all of my heart. When you have a kid, it's a different kind of love than you have with a partner or family. It's very difficult to explain, but you love them and you only want what's best for them, which is why Neil and I decided to make him a schedule. We wanted what was best for Ashton. As much as it would pain me not to see my baby full-time as I should, he still needed to see his father. He was as important to me as he was to Neil. We didn't want to go to the court because a random fucking person deciding where our child was go is fucking ridiculous and a waste of time. 

I bought myself a coffee and Ashton a cake pop. I sat down, put him in a high chair, and handed him the cake pop. He started giggling and bit down on it. 

I chuckled and rubbed his shoulder. "That must feel good on your teeth, huh?"

"Hey," I felt a tap on my shoulder. I looked behind me and saw Neil towering over me. I gasped and hugged him softly. "A little excited, are we?"

"I just haven't seen you in a while," I lightly chuckled as he sat down across from me. "I know we didn't exactly get along the last time we saw each other and I'm sorry."

"It's fine."

"How have you been?"

"Uh, I've been fine," He kissed Ashton's head, trying to avoid the question. 

"What happened?"

"Nothing," His eyes started tearing up. 

"I'll be right back," I got into the long line and ordered him a cup of coffee, then handed it back to him. 

"You didn't have to do that, you know?"

"I know. But it doesn't mean that I shouldn't."

"I broke up with my girlfriend," He sobbed. 

"Aww, Neil," I got up and hugged him. 

I didn't care if anyone stared at us or anything. I still cared for Neil. Despite all of the arguments we had, we still had a history. 

"It's the lady that came down the stairs that one day you picked Ashton up," He clarified. 

"Oh, her. I'm sorry, Neil."

"It's alright?"

"Why'd you break up?" I rubbed his back a little. 

"Because I have to leave to go to Florida soon for the movie and I didn't want to do a long-distance relationship."

"I'm so sorry."

"It's alright. It's not your fault."

I sat back down and he took a sip of his coffee. 

"We don't have to do this today, you know?" I asked him. "We really don't."

"I broke up with her last week," He said. "I'm fine."

"Okay. If you want to talk about it, you can talk to me, okay?"

"Okay."

"Now, what schedule would you like?"

"One where I can see Ashton for a while."

"What we could do is switching weeks."

"Yeah, but I wouldn't see him for a week."

"But you would also see him for a week. I think that it would be the best. That way, he won't have to switch frequently and would be able to settle down at a house for a while. You know?"

"I get what you mean," He looked at Ashton. "I just want what's best for him. I don't want this to be difficult on him. Our decisions shouldn't make him suffer. He didn't do anything wrong."

"I know, I know."

"I think that the week on, week off thing is okay."

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah."

"You don't sound so confident."

"Well, I'm not going to be able to see my son full-time like I should. This is my first son and I already fucked it up!"

"Neil, Neil, what are you talking about?"

"I couldn't stay with you long enough to support our fucking child!"

"Neil," I rubbed his hand. "I didn't find out I was pregnant until after you left. It's not anyone's fault."

"I'm just so frustrated. I wish that it was normal."

"Maybe if you get married or something you can have a child and they can stay with you full-time."

"Maybe. Are we done?"

"Yeah. You're taking Ashton, right?"

"Yep."

"Okay."

"Thanks for the coffee, Adette."

"Anytime."

I walked them both to Neil's car and I kissed Ashton goodbye. 

"When does the schedule start?" He asked. 

"You can have him the rest of this week, then I'll get him next week, and the week after that-"

"I'll get him."

"Correct."

"Bye, Adette."

"Bye, Neil. Remember that if you want to talk to me about anything, you can."

"I know."

"When do you leave?"

"Next month."

"Okay."

"Bye."

"Bye."

I drove back home and sighed. It wasn't just Ville's home anymore, it was Ashton's and my home. We were very comfortable there and Ville made it very welcoming. He did everything in his power to make us seem like a family. 

All I wanted was to have a normal life with a normal family. But I didn't need a normal life or family to be happy. I just needed a life and family and I would be alright.