Ohne Dich (Sequel to Stirb Nicht Vor Mir)

Chapter 32

December 18, 1999

"You going to have fun?" I asked him. 

"I am," He chuckled. 

He was leaving. He was going to Finland to support H.I.M.'s new record 'Razorblade Romance'. It was coming out the next day and he wanted to be with his bandmates. 

"I want you to have fun, okay?" I asked him. 

"Don't worry. We'll party like animals. Rawr!"

"Shut up!" I chuckled and hugged him. "You'll be back soon, right?"

"I'll be back on the 21st."

"Okay. I'm going to stay with my mom. Is that alright?"

"That's fine."

"I just miss her and need to hang out with her more."

"Okay," He picked up his bags and kissed me. "I love you."

"I love you, too. Have fun!"

"Bye."

"Bye."

I watched him walk away and felt this ache inside of me. I had this feeling that I wasn't going to see him again. I didn't know why, but I just did. 

I ran back to the car and drove to my mom's house. Halfway there, the feeling went away. It was very weird, considering that I knew I was going to see Ville again. 

I missed him, though. I had just seen him and missed him already. I was so used to being with him every single day that I didn't realize how hard it would be to be away from him. I just hoped that when he was on tour it wouldn't be that bad and I would get used to it. 

I knocked on my mom's door after pulling into her driveway and was greeted by Till. I hugged him and walked over to the couches. 

"Richard and Caron are coming over, too," My mom said. 

I turned around the corner and saw that she was cooking.

"Hi, Mom!" I ran to her and hugged her. "I missed you!"

"Missed you, too."

"What are you making?"

"Spaghetti."

She finished mixing it, turned the oven off, and we sat down on the couch. 

"How has everything been?" Till asked, draping an arm over my mom's shoulder. 

"Good," I slowly nodded my head. "Ville just left a couple of minutes ago. I really miss him."

"Him touring is going to be miserable for you," My mom added. 

"How do you deal with Till being gone for so long?"

"Well, I always make sure to call and tell him that I love him. It sort of reminds me that he's going to come back someday. And I always remind myself that it's not forever that he'll be gone."

I nodded my head. "That's good."

"How are things with you, Ashton, and Neil?"

"Well, yesterday we figured out a schedule for Ashton."

"You did?"

"Mhm. We're switching weeks."

"That's a good idea," Till cleared his throat. "But what about when he's gone to go shoot a movie? Is he going to go with Neil?"

"No. Neil will be too busy to pay attention to him. I think what will happen is he'll just stay with me until he gets back. Like, for example, Neil has a movie coming up that he needs to film and Ashton will just be staying with me."

"How long will Neil be gone for?"

"About three months."

"That's a long time," My mom sighed. "Ashton's going to miss his dad."

"I know, I know. I feel really bad about the whole situation, too. But what else can we do?"

Just then, there was a knock on the door. I ran to the door and opened it and saw Caron and Richard standing there. I hugged Richard, smiled at Caron, and we all walked back to the living room and sat down. 

It was weird having everyone together. No one was bickering or arguing. We were all just having a good time together. 

We went to the kitchen and we all got our spaghetti and ate it. 

"Where's Ville?" Richard asked me. 

"Oh," I wiped my face with my napkin. "He went to Finland-that's where he was born-to go celebrate with his band the new record they have."

"When does it come out?"

"Tomorrow."

"How exciting!"

"Yeah," I said dully. 

"What's the matter?"

"Nothing. It's just that I miss him a lot. I've been with him every single day. It's just different to have him not here."

"Well, sweetie, welcome to the lifestyle!" Caron sarcastically remarked. "They're always going to be gone. Richard here is going to leave me soon to go with his band to go on tour."

"We talked about this," Richard gritted through his teeth. 

"Yeah, well maybe I'm not ready to let it go! Bottom line, Adette is that you have to suck it the fuck up and get used to it. He's going to be gone next year for how long?"

"A couple of months...I think," I shrugged my shoulders. "I don't know."

"You're a grown woman. Act like it."

"SHUT THE FUCK UP!" My mom shouted. "YOU DO NOT SPEAK TO MY DAUGHTER THAT WAY!"

Caron started yelling making me really freaked out. The loud sounds echoed throughout the room since we had tile underneath us. I ran out of the kitchen plugging my ears and went into the bathroom, slamming the door shut behind me. 

I was glad that my mom was standing up for me, but she didn't need to yell. They knew how I was when it came to yelling. I was shaking violently and I stared at myself in the mirror. I splashed water onto my face and that's when I heard glass shattering. I stopped what I was doing, dried off my face, and walked out to the kitchen. Both my mom and Caron were crying while Till held my mom and Richard held Caron. 

I walked to them-still violently shaking-but Till yelled, "THERE'S GLASS!"

I stopped walking and saw all the glass beneath me from the plate. I put on my shoes and I swept the floor to get rid of all the glass pieces. I threw them away, took my shoes off, then walked over to Richard. 

"What happened?" I asked him. 

"Your mother over here-"

"Don't make it seem like it was my fault because your wife over here has fucking anger issues!" She yelled. 

"She started yelling at Caron-which you witnessed-and then she placed her foot on the glass plate and slipped."

I started laughing hysterically as I pictured all of that in my head. "That's hilarious."

"It's not funny when your mom could've gotten hurt," Till said. 

"You're right," I nodded my head. 

"We're leaving," Caron stood up and walked out of the room. 

Richard sighed and then hugged me. "Bye."

"Bye," I muttered and heard the front door shut. "I'm going to go to bed, guys."

"Goodnight," They said in unison.

"Love you."

"Love you, too," They said in unison yet again. 

I walked up to my old bedroom and it looked exactly the same except for two things: the bed and the dressers. The bed was smaller since I took my old one. All of the posters were on the wall, the fan was still on, and the window still stayed open. 

I laid down on the bed and sighed. I wished for once that things would go normal.