Ohne Dich (Sequel to Stirb Nicht Vor Mir)

Chapter 76

September 14, 2003

"No, I have never heard of that," I told my patient Angelina. "What is it called, again?"

"Solipsism syndrome."

"Oh, alright. So, you have this...syndrome?"

"Yeah."

"What is it?"

"No one and nothing is real."

"How so?"

"I don't know. I'm the only real thing. You're not real, my mom's not real, my dad isn't real, my family isn't real, and neither are my friends."

"What do you mean they're not real?"

"They're not really here. They're not a figment of my imagination-someone put them here. They don't have any emotions or anything."

"You feel that way?"

"Yeah. I like it."

"You like it?"

"Yeah. I feel...free in a way. I'm the only real thing. I find that amazing."

I looked at the clock and saw that an hour had gone by already. 

"We'll talk about this next time," I told her. "But, I'm afraid it's time to go."

"That's alright," She smiled and walked out. 

---------------------------------------------

"Some of these kids are not okay," I told Ville. "And sometimes I wonder if their parents even fucking care!"

"They care enough to take them to a psychologist."

"But do they care enough to try to take care of them themselves?"

"Is that their job?" Ville chuckled. "Wait a second, that's not what I-"

"A parents' job is to take care of their children!"

He chuckled. "I meant to say-"

"I know," I smiled. 

As we arrived, I gave Ville a long and passionate kiss. 

"The next time you'll see me, I'm going to marry you," He told me. 

"I'll be waiting," I kissed him. 

I knocked on Taylor's door and she opened it up, then gave me a huge hug. I asked her where her daughter, Reina, was. 

"She's at her grandmother's house," She explained. "Sam is out with friends. It's just you and me!"

We walked to her bedroom and I could hear "Heaven Tonight" by "HIM" was playing. 

"I love this song," She told me. "I think that it's my favorite."

I nodded my head and sat down on the bed. 

"What's wrong?" She asked. 

"What if I'm making the wrong decision?  What if I shouldn't marry him?"

"Adette, what?"

"I just-" I sighed. "He's going to be gone for so long, now. I mean, look at how popular his band is! He's going to be touring, making new records, etc. He's going to be gone. What if I want to have kids with him and-"

"Adette, breathe. You're just getting pre-wedding jitters. Why don't we go play a card game or something?"

"Sure."

As Taylor grabbed a game, my mom called. 

"Hi," I answered. 

"How are you?!" She screamed. 

"I'm so nervous, Mom."

"That's alright. You're going to love it. It'll be the happiest day of your guys' lives."

"Thanks."

"I just wanted to say that I love you so much."

"I love you, too."

"Have fun."

"You too."

I hung up the call and played Uno with Taylor. The whole time, I couldn't really focus-something wasn't right. I wanted to get married so bad, but I felt like it was wrong of me to do. 

"Hey, Adette," Taylor said. 

"Yeah?"

"Do you even want to get married?"

"Yes," I hesitated. 

"Adette, I don't think that this is good."

I started crying. "I know. I hate this!"

"Hey, hey, come here," She hugged me. "What are you worried about?"

"I don't want to marry him and then have him be gone for most of our marriage!"

"I know, I know."

"It's like, what's the point in getting married, then?!"

"I see what you mean. Have you talked to him about this?"

"Multiple times. He would always say that we would make it work, but what if we can't, Taylor?"

"Adette, you guys are the goth couple. You guys will make it work. Why don't you ask him if he could take some time off? Explain to him how you feel, Adette. Make sure that you communicate, alright?"

"Alright."

"Hey, it's alright, Adette."

I stopped crying. "Can you paint my nails? I don't know how."

"You don't know how?!"

"I was never good with makeup."

"What color?"

"Black."

"I knew it," She smirked.