Ohne Dich (Sequel to Stirb Nicht Vor Mir)

Chapter 68

October 4, 2002

I hadn't left my mom's room in a while. I wasn't eating, showering, or sleeping. I couldn't sleep. I couldn't sleep without Ville. All I was doing was drinking and smoking-it somehow made me feel closer to Ville. 

I called Neil randomly while smoking. "Hey, Neil?"

"Yeah?" He asked. 

"What time can I pick up Ashton at?"

"Um, whenever you want, I guess."

"Great. I'm on my way right now."

I hung up the phone and ran to the car. Ashton was the only hope I had of actually being happy. I needed to see him. 

I drove to Neil's house very dangerously, but as soon as I arrived, I saw that they were blowing bubbles in the driveway. 

"Hi!" I got out of the car and Ashton walked to me. He didn't run, but he walked to me. 

"Mommy?" He asked. 

"Adette, are you sick?" Neil asked me. 

"No," I stood up. 

"Come inside."

I walked inside and he showed me to the bathroom. I looked at myself and shrieked. I was unrecognizable. I had bags under my eyes, my skin was pale, my hair was a mess, and I looked miserable. 

"Are you alright?" Neil asked me. 

I shook my head. "I hate feelings."

"I'm sorry about the breakup."

"We didn't fucking break up!" I shouted and started to cry. "We're still together!"

"You're not wearing your ring."

"I don't need to wear a fucking ring!"

"Ashton, go get in the car and buckle yourself."

"Okay, Daddy," Ashton rushed off. 

"Adette," Neil put his hands on my shoulders. "You look fucking horrible. I'm sorry, but it's the truth. I need you to go home, eat something, and take a nice, long bath, okay?"

"Okay."

"You obviously need Ashton."

"I do," I chuckled. 

"Adette, is everything alright?"

"Ville and I got into an argument about him touring and shit, and we're taking a break."

"It's taking a toll on you?"

"A huge one."

"I'm sorry."

"It's alright. We'll get through it. Thanks for letting me take him."

"Of course."

He said bye to Ashton, then told me to feel better. We drove to my mom's house, making Ashton confused. 

"Mommy?" He asked as we arrived. 

"Yeah?" I asked him. 

"Why are we at Grandma's house?"

"Because we're spending the night here for a little."

I started crying, got him out of the car, then walked him inside. As soon as we got in there, he asked me why I was crying. 

"Because I'm sad," I replied. 

"Do you want a hug?"

I knelt down and he gave me a hug making me cry harder. I squeezed him tight and didn't let him go. No words could describe the undying love I had for my son. He was the sweetest boy who ever lived and I honestly didn't know what I would do without him. He was there for me for everything and knew how to make me feel better.