Ohne Dich (Sequel to Stirb Nicht Vor Mir)

Chapter 126

September 16, 2010

I woke up hating myself. I was furious with myself. I didn't deserve to live. 

I had kissed another man-that wasn't my husband-the night before and here I was, lying down. Corey was halfway across the world and I was here being selfish and not doing anything about it. 

The worst part was that I didn't pull away. I kissed him back. I would never forgive myself. 

It wasn't long before I realized I was crying. I walked out of Ryan's bed and went downstairs and saw that he was making breakfast. 

"He-" He turned around and saw that I was crying. "What's wrong?"

"Everything."

He turned off the stove and moved the pan to the other burner. He hugged me and rubbed my back. 

"It's alright," He said. 

"No it's not. Do you realize what I fucking did?! I kissed another man, Ryan!"

"I know you did, but we all make mistakes."

"Ryan, this mistake could ruin our marriage. Oh my God! Everleigh will have to go back and forth between houses! I might never see Griffin or Angelin-"

"Adette, breathe. Please."

I breathed softly. "I'm sorry."

"Hey, don't apologize. Adette, let's sit down."

We sat down on the couch. 

"I fucked up," I said. 

"Adette, don't say that. Were you thinking clearly?"

"Yes, I was."

"Were you drunk?"

"A little."

"Then tell him-"

"So? I would still know that I was married and happy with Corey."

"What was the guy's name?"

"Toby...Tony...To-I don't know."

"Exactly. That's how much it meant to you."

"Ryan, I liked it."

"You WHAT?!"

"I liked it. I liked the kiss, goddammit! I just missed kissing people-"

"Okay, it's not that you liked kissing him...you liked the kiss."

"I don't know!" I started sobbing. "I really fucked up, didn't I?"

"Come here," He held me and rocked me softly. "It'll be alright, okay?"

"I hope so."

"Let's listen to some music. What do you want to listen to?"

"I don't know."

"Oh! I heard this song yesterday-didn't really like it-but I know that you would like it."

He turned his bluetooth on on his phone and connected it to his speakers. Then, he started playing a song and when I heard the voice, I immediately knew that it was "Cradle of Filth". 

"Didn't the singer go to your wedding?" Ryan asked. 

"He stopped by, yeah."

Just then, my heart stopped. 

"Who-Who is singing?" I asked Ryan.

 "You recognized it! Ville Valo."

I knew that it was him. I could recognize that angelic voice anywhere. His voice was so beautiful. Even in a dark song like that, he could make it his own and make it so beautiful. I was in love with his voice. I would do anything to hear him sing again. 

"I haven't heard his voice in a while," I sighed. 

"Want me to turn on 'HIM'?"

"No! No. Don't do that."

"I don't think him or Bam are talking anymore."

"Who? Ville?"

"Yeah."

"Oh, that's a shame."

"He was in 'Jackass 2'."

"He was?!"

"Yeah, I'll have to show it to you. He was in the funniest fucking skit in that whole fucking movie."

I hugged him tight. "I'll have to watch it. Thanks, Ryan."

"For what?"

"Being there for me."

"I'll always be here for you."

"Unless you're not."

"What?"

"I mean, you could die."

"I'm not going to die."

"Promise?"

"I promise."