Ohne Dich (Sequel to Stirb Nicht Vor Mir)

Chapter 61

September 21, 2002

"Welcome," Todd (the interviewer) said. 

"Hi," I shyly waved. 

"How have you been."

"Good, good. And you?"

"I've been fine. So, your movie Just Let Go came out and it seems like that was a dark place for you."

"Wait, are you saying that while I was filming, I was in a dark place?"

"Yeah."

"Oh, okay. Um, yeah, I was."

"How so?"

"I was constantly high or drunk," I chuckled. "I was just not taking care of myself like I needed to. I wasn't allowed to be around my son because of how bad it was and that really messed with me."

"That's not good. So, you actually did drugs for the movie?"

I nodded my head. "I wanted it to be as real as possible. I also had sex with those men."

"If I was your boyfriend, I wouldn't approve of that."

"Not many would. I have the best fiancee ever."

"Oh, you're engaged?!"

"Yes," I showed him my ring. 

"I love how it has a heart with a triangle on it."

I laughed. "It's called a heartagram. It's his band's logo."

"How obsessive."

"It's not obsessive! I love their band!"

"Whatever you say. So, your bo-"

"Fiancee."

"Your fiancee was fine with you sleeping with those men?"

"He didn't really have a choice. He wasn't very fond of the idea, but I mean, he understood that it was for my job. It got too much, though. I think I had sex, like, three times a fucking day and I just got sick of it. I called him and I told him I wasn't sleeping with any more people, so we had to call in a stunt and they had sex for me."

"W-W-What?! You're getting paid to have sex and you got sick of it?!"

"I was already with someone. I felt really, really ashamed of myself. Ville-"

"Your fiancee?"

"Yeah."

"Is he Russian or something?"

I rolled my eyes. "He's Finnish. Anyways, while I was having sex with those men, I would just imagine Ville sitting down on the couch by himself or with my son and there was one time that I started crying because I missed him and everyone was freaking out. They were like, 'Oh my God, you're hurting her' and shit like that."

"You cried while having sex?"

"Yeah."

He shook his head. "We are very different people. Now, I was watching an interview of Ville and I noticed he called the interviewer-who was a woman-a sweetheart. How do you feel about that?"

"He calls everyone but me a sweetheart."

"Why?"

"I hate that word and he loves it."

"Ah, I see. So, what have you been up to lately?"

"I met his parents yesterday."

"You did?"