Ohne Dich (Sequel to Stirb Nicht Vor Mir)

Chapter 41

November 21, 2000

"I think that the schedule for Ashton works perfectly," I told Neil over the phone. 

"It's a week that I go without seeing him, Adette. I miss him."

"The same goes for me! You know what, Neil? I don't have time to deal with this! If you want to see him more, you can see him while I'm at school, okay?"

"Thanks."

"Bye."

I threw my phone across the room and ran my fingers through my hair. Everything was going wrong. I watched Ashton play with his toys and I thought about how happy he was and how much I envied him. I wished I was that happy. 

Neil was very upset with me. He thought that I was taking Ashton away from him and wouldn't allow him to see him with Ashton switching weeks, but I didn't seem him for a while, either. Not everything was about Neil. He was my fucking son, too. 

Rammstein was falling apart. Ever since they had been recording their album, everyone was pissed off at my dad except for Till. I didn't know why-no one would tell me-but it would make things really tense. My dad moved to New York-away from everyone else-and was very reserved. I would try to make plans to see him, but I was just too busy. Christoph called me a couple of times and asked how everything was with my dad and made it seem like he was abusive, which was ridiculous, so I confronted him and he stopped. He was just very upset, but he needed to back the fuck off. 

Ville was still out. He was supposed to come back in August, but had to record his fucking record, so it was less that I had to see him. We called everyday for about a month, but then it always ended with me complaining that he was gone, so we called once every week. It made me very upset, but it was for the sake of our relationship. 

The most stressful thing of all was school. I had to study for tests, do homework, and all this other shit. It seemed like I barely had enough time to even hang out with Ashton. I was slowly starting to regret going to college, but I had to. I knew that I wouldn't regret it in the end. 

I turned on the T.V. and saw that the T.V. show "Jackass" was on, so I turned it on and grabbed Ashton as we watched it. I knew that I had homework to do, but I needed to take a break. 

I looked down at Ashton and he started laughing as soon as Bam fell down. I smiled and started crying. I missed Ville dearly. I grabbed my phone and called him, but he didn't answer. I called him multiple times, but he still didn't answer. His birthday was tomorrow and we still needed to discuss what we were going to do. I didn't know when he would be back or anything, so there was a chance that he wasn't going to be there. 

I needed to get away from everything, so I took Ashton upstairs and took a bath with him. I didn't even bother turning off the T.V. because there was no point. 

I slipped into the bath with Ashton and he immediately started splashing. 

"Mommy!" He yelled. 

"Yes?"

"Bebbles."

"Bubbles?"

"YEAH!" He shrieked and started laughing. 

I grinned widely and poured a little bit of this bottle of bubbles in the tub and Ashton grabbed some bubbles and put them on his mouth. 

"You're silly," I chuckled. 

He opened his mouth and accidentally got some bubbles in his mouth, so I immediately opened up his mouth, put my fingers in there and wiped away the bubbles, then the ones on the outside of his lips and he started crying. 

"It's okay," I told him, but he wouldn't stop crying. "Bubbles!"

He stopped crying and played with the bubbles, making me chuckle. I cried yet again and groaned out in frustration. I hated missing Ville. A piece of my body felt empty because he wasn't there with me. I needed him. 

"Are you okway?" He asked me. 

"Mommy's fine."

"Don't cwy."

"I won't cry," I wiped away me tears, then remembered something. "Ash?"

"Yeah?"

"Say 'balloon'."

"Badoon."

I laughed hysterically. "Say 'balloon'."

"Badoon!"

I hugged him. "I love you. Do you love me?"

"No."

"Great."

He grabbed one of his toy cars on the edge of the tub and played around with it. I grabbed the shampoo and rubbed it into his hair. I washed it out, then put body wash on him and washed it off a little later, too. I did the same to me (including conditioner) and unplugged the tub. 

"NO!" He whined. 

"Hey, you don't yell," I told him. "You say, 'Please don't."

"Pease don't."

"Okay," I plugged back up the tub and got out, then wrapped a towel around me. I put my hair up in a hair towel and looked through the closet and saw that Ville still had some of his clothes. I grabbed one of his HIM shirt's and put it on me, then slipped some underwear on, too. I looked at myself in the mirror and saw that my nipples were poking through the shirt, but then turned around and saw that the shirt when further down and covered up my butt. 

"Ash, can you count?" I asked him. 

"One, two, three, four, fiveteen, sexteen, nenteen, hundred!"

"We're getting there," I chuckled. 

I heard the garage door shut, so I immediately became started and started shaking violently. I panicked, then grabbed Ashton, wrapped him in a towel, put him in his room, handed him a toy, then locked him in there (since the lock was on the outside). He started crying and screaming, so I went downstairs and heard a thud in the kitchen. I could still hear Ashton, so I grew worried and didn't want him to get hurt. 

I looked into the kitchen and saw a man wearing a hat backwards, a black trench coat, and jeans in there. I didn't have any weapons, so I grew nervous and shook violently. I was mostly worried about Ashton crying. 

"Will that fucking baby stop crying?!" The man shouted. 

Anger boiled inside of me and I ran into the living room and grabbed my metal waterbottle that was on the table. I slowly walked over to the man, but then he turned around and I screamed as I saw who it was.