Ohne Dich (Sequel to Stirb Nicht Vor Mir)

Chapter 123

May 29, 2010

"Yeah, I know," I told Corey as I picked up Everleigh and rinsed her hands off in the sink. 

"I want to go swimming," She said. 

"Go get on your bathing suit," I set her down. 

"So, do you want to do something tonight?" Corey came up behind me and wrapped his arms around my waist. 

I pushed him away. "No, it's alright."

He scoffed. "What the fuck is your problem?"

"Nothing, Corey. Everything is fucking fine. You're just going to be gone until November. I'M NOT GOING TO SEE YOU UNTIL NOVEMBER!"

"I know you aren't, but you're not the only one that's upset about this! I can't see my fucking kids until November!"

"That's your fault, Corey."

"Wow."

"It's your job!"

"I have to do this!"

"NO YOU DON'T! YOU HAVE ENOUGH MONEY TO JUST STAY HOME FOR A LITTLE WHILE! I'm going to have to start working again-taking time away from my children."

"Oh, so now this is all about you and working? I'm so sorry that you have to fucking work, Adette. I know it's so much work-"

"SHUT UP!"

"I'm just repeating what you're saying."

"That's not what I meant."

"It's not like I want to leave, Adette."

"Yes you do. You do want to leave. You want to go travel around the world with your band and perform."

"It's my job! You know what?! You signed up for this when you fucking married me! You knew what you were getting yourself into!"

"I know! But it doesn't mean I can't be mad or fucking upset!"

"No, but you cannot take your anger out on me."

"Watch me."

His eyes widened in anger. "Don't you fucking dare."

My eyes started tearing up. "I don't want this."

"Y-Yo-Y-You don't want what?"

"You to be gone on tour. I don't like it."

"We'll figure something out, Adette-"

"No, no, you said it yourself. I signed up for this."

"GOD, YOU'RE SO FUCKING STUBBORN! IF YOU DON'T LIKE IT, THEN WHY DON'T YOU JUST FUCKING LEAVE?!"

I looked up at him and a whoosh of regret washed over his face. 

"Okay, Corey," I grabbed the car keys and walked into the garage, slamming the door behind me. 

I got into the car and saw Corey pounding on it. 

"What?" I rolled down the window. 

"Where are you going?"

"Leaving-just like you asked. Now, get your hands off of the fucking window."

He stepped back as I rolled up the window and I drove away. 

I felt horrible with myself-the way I spoke to him, the way I yelled at him, etc. We were mad and angry, but not at each other-we just took it out on each other. 

The more I thought about it, though, the more I realized I was angry at Corey. I was also angry with myself. He had a point-I knew what I was getting myself into when I married him. That doesn't mean that it's my fault. 

I didn't know what to do and I didn't know where I was driving. I just knew that I had to get out of that fucking house. I would say something that I would regret and I didn't need that. 

I parked in the parking lot of a restaurant and just started walking around the complex. It felt nice to relieve myself of the stress that was caused. 

I grabbed out a cigarette and smoked, making sure to not blow the smoke in anyone's face. 

Corey called me occasionally, but I didn't answer. I didn't want to talk to him. I didn't want to talk to anyone. I just needed to be by myself. 

I wish Corey didn't have to leave. I hated this fucking lifestyle so bad-me at home with my kids waiting for my husband to return. I didn't know how long I was going to be able to put up with it. I had been putting up with it for six years and it was exhausting. I constantly missed Corey and felt relieved when he would stay with us. 

I hoped he knew how I felt. Not only me, but Everleigh and Angeline and Griffin and Ash. They all missed him, too-their dad was going to be gone for the rest of the fucking year. 

I started crying at the thought of me divorcing him, but it was definitely an option that came into my mind. It wasn't the first time I thought of it. 

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I opened up the front door very quietly and waked inside. It was one in the morning and I had been at the bar eating and occasionally drinking. 

I walked further into the living room and saw Corey sleeping with his phone in his hands. I had 51 missed calls from him. 

I kissed his forehead, wrapped a blanket around him, and took his phone out of his hand. 

He started rustling around and opened his eyes. When he saw me, he shot up and hugged me. 

"Adette," He breathed out. "Oh my God. Where were you? You smell like cigarettes and beer and-"

"I was just at a bar," I interrupted. "I didn't drink a lot."

"I'm sorry."

"Don't be."

"Fine, I won't," He smirked. "Let's go up to bed."

We laid down on the bed after getting into our pajamas. Corey wrapped an arm around my waist from behind and pulled me into him. Normally, I put my hand on his, but I didn't feel like it. I just couldn't.