Ohne Dich (Sequel to Stirb Nicht Vor Mir)

Chapter 66

October 1, 2002

"So, he's coming?" I asked my mom. 

"Yes. Richard's coming."

"Sweet! When?"

"Well, he should be here soon, but we have an interview to get to."

"Right."

-----------------------------------------------

"Thanks for joining us," Our interviewer said. 

"Thanks for having us," My mom smiled. 

"Of course. How have you two been?"

"Good," We replied simultaneously. 

"Good. I've been doing some research on your guys' movie and it said that the movie idea sprung from your guys' lives together. 

"Absolutely not," My mom replied. "We are definitely more...more..."

"Civilized," I chuckled. 

"Sure. I don't think that's the right word, though."

"You're more well-behaved?" Lilan (the interviewer) asked. 

"Yes!" My mom shrieked. 

"Great," Lilan replied. "How did you get Ben Affleck on the movie?"

"I just asked him," My mom replied. "After telling him he would play my daughter's lover in the movie."

"Really?"

"Yes. That's the only reason why he wanted to do it."

"It was for the sex," I clarified. "We had lots and lots of sex."

"Oh-"

"For the movie! For the movie! I'm taken!"

"You two are very well together," Lilan said. 

"How so?" I asked. 

"You just act like you get along very well and are always there for each other."

"Well, we always will be. I mean, she also gave birth to me at a younger age. I have also always been in the spotlight and she has sort of guided me out of the dark side of things and whatnot."

"The drugs and alcohol?"

"Not only that, but the pedophiles, too. Believe it or not, there are a lot of dangerous people in the industry," I covered my mouth jokingly. "I've said too much!"

My mom playfully shoved me. "We've also experienced some of the same trauma and when you experience certain things that are similar, it brings you closer."

"So, your bad experiences brought you closer?" Lilan asked. 

"In a way," I chuckled. 

"Well, it was great to have you and have a great rest of your day."

"You too," I smiled. 

My mom drove me to Richard's hotel and I immediately ran inside and knocked on his door. As soon as he opened it up, I hugged him tightly. 

"Hey," He chuckled. 

"Hi," I let go of him. "I missed you."

"I missed you, too. So, what has been up?"

"A lot."

"Okay, hang on a sec. Caron, look who's here!"

She came out of the hallway, then ran to me and hugged me. 

"We've missed you!" She said. 

"I've missed you, too," I added. 

"Where's Ville?"

I was sick and tired of crying. Too much energy had been taken out of me from crying, but I couldn't help it. They came flowing out of me and they both just hugged me. Even the mention of his fucking name made me cry. 

I told them what happened and my dad just shook his head. 

"Boys are stupid," He said. 

"You're one to talk," Caron giggled. 

I giggled, too, but continued to hug him. "Did I do something wrong to make him feel that way?"

"I think there were a bunch of mixed feelings that needed to get out," My dad said. 

"Oh."

"Things will get better," Caron assured me. 

"But what if they don't?" I asked. "What if we never get back together?!"

"Hey, everything happens for a reason," My dad said. "If you guys don't get back together, you'll find someone else."

"I don't want anyone else. I want him! I love him! I want to spend the rest of my life with him and I fucked it up. I fucked us up."

"Don't take all of the blame," Caron said. "I mean, he's going away for a while and you miss him-that's normal."

"I guess so."

"Are you alright?" My dad asked. 

"No. I'm really, really tired."

"Tired?! Well, we can't have that."

We laid down in their bed and watched a movie. 

I shut my eyes and started drifting off to sleep while thinking about Ville. I went there to hang out with them, and here I was falling asleep. 

Somehow my thoughts always went back to Ville. I really, really needed him. I wondered what he was doing that second and if he missed me, too. I guess that's what really scared me-if he didn't want me anymore and moved on. I was scared that this time apart would ruin us and we would be no more. I needed him in life. 

My body constantly ached at the thought of him and I would always cry because of him. That wasn't a bad thing, though. It just showed how much I cared and wanted him in my life. I really hoped that my family's perspectives on him didn't change and they still cared for him. 

This was all my fault. If I just told him how I felt before hand and didn't build all of this up inside of me, maybe we could've been together in the same bed. Maybe we could've enjoyed our last weeks together before he had to go and we could be making love, or singing songs, or even writing songs. I didn't really care. 

If I had to kill myself over and over again just to see him one last time, I would. Call me obsessive, but I really loved him. 

Love makes you do crazy things.