//Strip club lights\\ Michael X Noah

~19~ "Family photos"

~POV: Michael~ (ALL MICHAEL'S POV wooooooo LOL)
I can't sleep again.

This has been happening a lot lately, and I can't seem to fix it.

I used to almost never sleep, but since I started dating Noah that problem allegedly went away, but I guess it's back.

It's one in the morning and I've already had every sleeping pill inside this mansion, followed by every tea imaginable, why won't anything work?

Noah was fast asleep beside me. It's so easy for him, it should be for me too right?

But it's not. 

So the only thing keeping me from having a panic attack just based on how fucking stressed I am about this, is me scrolling through my photos.

In an attempt to distract myself from everything, I'm going through old photos and deleting them.

My camera roll is mostly three things: Pixie, Noah, and Posi, because they're the things that are most important to me.

I mean, when you scroll further, you get to photos from before I met both of them.

Selfies, random food I cooked, Pixie when I first got her, and my apartment when I first moved in.

I zoomed in on the photo of my freshly decorated apartment, my bed was made for once, everything was new and clean, and the photos of my family on the wall were newly framed.

I packed those photos, right?

I carefully got up, making sure to not disturb Noah's peaceful sleep and went to my suitcase.

All my shirts were still folded neatly inside since I've been basically just using Noah's.

I took all the shirts out, causing them to fall out of their nicely folded state.

But the more I rummaged through, the more I began to worry.

It wasn't in here.

But it has to be in here.

I remember putting it in.

Do you? Or are you just "remembering" that to give yourself hope?

No, I definitely put it in, I mean, I grabbed it off the wall.

That doesn't technically mean you actually put it inside the suitcase.

I don't have any other photos of them.. It can't be gone...

Continue looking!

I dumped the whole suitcase out and looked through all the random clothes inside.

It isn't in here!

You only have one photo of your family and you lost it!?

I-I thought it was in here.

"You thought it was in here" That doesn't help! Someone else already bought your apartment! They probably trashed it!

Shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, SHIT.

I felt like I was drowning in my own thoughts as I picked at my fingertips, peeling the skin off as I thought of any possible place it could be.

My fingertips started to sting but I didn't want to stop, my chest was compressing, and I need to feel pain somewhere else to level it.

As I moved my body to lean against the wall while sitting on the floor, trying to stabilize my feeling to faint.

It seemed to work because I didn't feel like fainting anymore, but I still couldn't take a full breath.

I compromised by taking many short breaths, my fingernails were fully bleeding, and at this point, my hand was almost tinted red from the blood.

"Michael...?" I heard a voice full my ear and for once it wasn't my own thoughts, so I looked up, trying to find where it came from.

My gaze was met with Noah's piercing blue eyes staring at me through the darkness of the room.

He rubbed his eyes and slowly got out of bed, walking over to me with a yawn and kneeling beside my shaking body.

"Michael?" He tried to hug me but I kicked him away.

"NO!" I sobbed out, holding my breath and choking on my own tears. "D-don't touch me..." I spat out, watching as he backed away and examined the room with his eyes.

"What happened?..." He whispered grabbing ahold of the flipped suitcase.

"W-here is it?" I trembled.

"Where's what baby?" He turned the suitcase over and looked at it's empty interior.

I didn't answer, I felt like if I said anything I would lose my breath.

He looked down at my hand, just barely seeing it's red colour under the dark light.

Without much thought he lightly held my hand, feeling my fingertips and trying to figure out what was causing the wet feeling.

I didn't push him away this time, I don't know why.

Maybe it was because I didn't want to, maybe it was because I couldn't move.

Either way, I felt trapped.

"Is this blood?" He felt along the cuts I made on my fingers, causing me to wince and back away.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to touch you." 

I nodded in response because I didn't know what else to do.

"I-I can-t"

"Can't what darling?"

"Bre-athe..." I shook my head, gripping my hair with my stinging fingertips.

"You'll be okay... I'm gonna call Skye to come and help you, does that sound alright?" He pets my hair calmly, the ticking of the clock just passed 2:00 am filled my ears as I grind my teeth lightly.

"O-okay..." I shuttered, repeatedly nodding my head.

He nodded with me and stood up, grabbing his phone off the bedside table and dialling someone.

"Hello?" He softling called out into the phone speaker.

I watched as his chest moved up and down while he listened to the phone.

"Sorry for calling so early, I need your help at my base." He listened for a short minute before saying thank you and hanging up again.

"Skye will be here soon, do you remember her?" He put his phone down and kneeled next to me.

I nodded, I remember her from my eye.. 

"Are you ready to tell me what happened?" I shook my head no.

I felt pathetic.

I can't believe I had a panic attack because I couldn't find a stupid picture frame.

It's embarrassing..

"That's okay... If you were looking for something maybe I can help you find it?"

"No..." I winced at my fingers.

"Try not to touch them okay?" The light suddenly flicked on, causing me to jump and kick Noah away from my shaking body.

He grunted slightly at the hard kick and fell back, but quickly got back up.

"Woah, what happened?" A woman with blonde hair and sweet eyes walked in, with Posi and Lily behind her.

Now I have an audience.

"I woke up and he was having a panic attack. Won't tell me why though."

"He'll be fine then. Has his breathing calmed down?"

"A little, he picked his fingers though, they're bleeding now." She walked in and kneeled in front of me, beside Noah.

"May I see your hands? I promise it will only be for a moment." She pulled some bandages out of her bag and held her hands out for me to put mine in.

I agreed and gave her my hands, letting her wrap my fingers with the light bandages.

"There, you should be fine. Can I ask a few questions though?" I nodded.

"Great. Why did you feel the need to pick your fingers."

"My chest was collapsing and I wanted to feel pain somewhere else instead." I managed to choke out, placing my hands in my lap.

She made a small sound and nodded. 

"Is it normal for you to harm yourself during a panic attack?"

"Yes." I closed my eyes, feeling like everyone was watching me as I spoke.

"Okay. Call me right away the next time he has a panic attack alright? Panic attacks for people like him often cause suicidal ideation." She stood up in front of me and looked down, our eyes met for a moment and I got to see a glimpse of her emerald green eyes.

Noah nodded and rubbed my back, calming me down slightly more.

"If that's all, I'll be heading out. I suggest not drinking caffeine or taking pills unless you have to for a few days, sometimes it causes panic attacks."

"Okay..." I muttered, watching as she left the room, Lily and Posi following seeing that I was okay now.

"You should try to sleep, I'll clean up."

"No. Sleep with me.. We can clean up tomorrow..." I grabbed onto his T-shirt closely pulling him near me.

"Okay, my love..." He whispered back, kissing my cheek and bringing me to bed.

I buried my head close in his chest, watching as he slowly drifted to sleep.

You never actually found the picture you know...

I don't need it, I have my own family...