//Strip club lights\\ Michael X Noah

~35~ "Anorexia.."

~POV: Michael~ (Warning, this chapter contains: ED, insecurities)
I stared at myself in the mirror, trying to decide how I felt about myself.

I have a pretty face, or so I've been told by Noah and- well, random dudes on the street.

My body is feminine, take with that how you will. But I'm skinny, more skinny than I should be.

I'm so pale, I look undead. (*Cue drum rim shot*)

God whatever, I'm just gonna go, I can forget about my insecurities for a few hours.

I don't think that's possible.

Oh god, fuck I hate you weird voice.

Mean.

I shook my head out of my thoughts and put a shirt on, heading out to the pool, at least where Posi told me the pool was.

My footsteps echoed once I entered the pool room, where everybody already was.

Noah was sitting on the edge of the pool, his feet in the water and leaning back on his hands.

Posi and Lily were splashing with each other, giggling like crazy.

"Gay!" I called out to them, sitting beside Noah.

He snickered a little bit.

"Fuck you!" Posi called back as Lily laughed, trying to hide it.

She stuck up her middle fingers, I stuck up mine until Noah calmly pushed my hands down.

Posi swam up to me, suddenly pulling my body into the water.

I yelped out as I fell to the bottom of the pool, quickly swimming back up.

"This counts as bullying." I shook my hair, hating it when it was wet.

"You count as bullying." She leaned on the edge of the pool, watching Lily swim over to us.

I huffed, looking up at Noah with puppy dog eyes.

"Don't look at me." He laughed, splashing some water on my face.

I glared at him, spitting some water out of my mouth.

"I hate you," I whined, resting my arms on the edge and my head on my arms.

"Noooo, you love me." He ruffled my hair and lifted my chin.

"...I do..." I looked the other way.

"Stop flirting, Noah can you come in the water?" Posi asked, Noah took his hand off my chin.

God, I wanna kiss him so badly.

"No, the doctor said I shouldn't be in the water in case I pass out and like drown or something."

"When will it be healed?"

"I mean- a scare will always be there, but until I can like actually go back to living normally, like a few days."

(A/N: I know that seems fast, but uh for the story's sake I need it to be a few days, forgive me LOL<3)

"But until then she said I was pretty much healed, so I kind of just have to take it easy."

"I'll do any paperwork for you, and cancel missions." Lily smiled, her damp hair plastered against her wet shoulders.

"Thanks, Lil'" Noah nodded, sitting up straight and resting his elbows on his knees.

"I'm getting wrinkly, I'm gonna head out now, bye-bye." Posi smiled, climbing up the ladder out of the pool and grabbing a towel.

"Yeah, I've already been here a while, I'll come with you." Lily followed soon after, shaking her hair off before she left the pool close behind Posi, leaving me and Noah alone.

"I'm tired." I sighed, leaning my head on my arms, watching as Noah leaned back on his hands.

"Do you wanna get out? We can go lay down?"

I nodded, "Yeah."

"You still owe me kisses, don't you dare forget." I chuckled softly, climbing out of the pool and grabbing a towel, drying my hair off.

"I'll never forget, don't worry." He stood up, walked past me and kissed my head before leaving the pool, probably to go back to the room.

I looked down at myself, the T-shirt I'm wearing was tight against my wet skin now, showing my figure.

I took my shirt off, staring at myself, still unsure what to think.

Maybe my body isn't that bad?

It's not the weight it should be though.

"Fuck." I slumped against the wall, bringing my knees to my chest, the wet T-shirt in my hands.

"Michael? Are you okay?" A sweet and calm voice echoed throughout the pool, I looked over to see Rose in her swimsuit, kneeling beside me.

"How come you're here?" I wiped my almost teary eyes.

"I come here all the time, I love to swim, or just lay in the hot tub." She giggled, sitting on her knees, and staring into my eyes. "Are you okay? I heard you sort of mumbling something."

"I'm-" I started to say what I always say 'I'm fine.' but for some reason, I couldn't get it out, I just started to cry, feeling the warm tears against my wet and cold cheeks.

"Hey, hey, it's okay..." She pulled me into a hug, and I cried onto her shoulder, trying to not turn that crying into a panic attack or something.

"What's wrong dear?..." She spoke in an almost whisper, her voice had a hint of a New Zealand accent.

"I don't- I don't know... I just don't know how to feel about my body..." I hid my face in my hands, starting to tear up once again.

"It's body insecurity, everybody has it I promise you you're not the only one okay?" She rubbed my back up and down, she had a towel in hand and she used it to wipe some of the tears on my cheek.

"I- I feel weird eating, but then mad about how skinny I am."

She sighed, "Would you mind if we went to my office? I just think this is something you might prefer talking about more privately." I nodded, taking her hand and letting her walk me to her office.

Once we arrived she sat down in her chair, I sat down in the one opposite hers.

"You have a lot of the symptoms of an eating disorder. I assume you know what that is?"

I nodded once again, staring at the ground.

I already thought I might have one.

"Anorexia is a type of eating disorder where one is focused on their weight, are you on any type of meds?"

"Antidepressants, that's it." I mumbled, that word hit me hard, "anorexia."

"I might up your dose a little if that's okay with you of course. And It would help if you saw a therapist, I actually am a therapist, so you could see me, or if it would make you more comfortable, another one here, always your choice." She wrote down something on a pad of paper.

"I'd prefer you..." I whispered, she nodded, scribbling more onto her paper.

"Everything is confidential of course, I won't tell anything to anybody unless you ask me to." She smiled, handing me a piece of paper saying:

"Dr. Rose; room 1; 1:00pm-3:00pm"

"That'll be our time to meet, sound good?" She placed her pad of paper in her drawer and put her marker away.

"Okay..." I folded the paper and put it in my pocket, standing up, my hair was still a little damp.

I walked out and closed the door behind me, replaying all that.

Do I tell them? Posi, Noah, Lily, I think they all caught on already, based on how they were acting, I guess they'd wanna know I'm going to a therapist, woo, fun.

I sighed, walking to Noah's room and opening the door, seeing Lily, Posi, and Noah all chatting away.

"Finally, where have you been?" Lily chuckled, leaning on the chair.

"Rose told me I probably have anorexia." I spat out, leaning against the door and staring at the ground, my face blank from emotion, not really sure what I was supposed to feel.

"What?" Noah was the first to speak, sitting up in his bed.

"She told me I probably have anorexia and said she was gonna up my dose of meds and give me therapy..." I muttered, unsure how they would react, unsure how I wanted them to react.

The room fell silent, I felt eyes on me, eyes on my face, which stressed me out and made me want to just leave the room, but I couldn't.

"You can count on us to be there whenever you need, okay?" Posi smiled, standing up and hugging me.

"Thank you..." I mumbled into her shirt, my eyes watering again.

I looked over her shoulder at Noah, he smiled at me and stood up, waiting till Posi pulled away to hug me as well and kiss my head.

"Well, I don't wanna be the only one who doesn't get a Michael hug," Lily whined, also standing up and immediately pulling me into a hug.

"Thank you too..." I hugged her back, resting my head on her shoulders.

I never knew how good of a hug she gave.


When I went to bed that night, cuddled up on Noah's side, listening to his calm breathing, everything from that day replayed, every thought and every word.

Even though I knew that my problems would not disappear overnight, a small amount of weight was lifted off my shoulders the moment I realized I didn't have to sit and wonder alone, I could tell somebody, and that was all I needed at the time, just being able to speak to someone was all I needed.