//Strip club lights\\ Michael X Noah

~57~ "Don't hate me."

~POV: Michael~
The bathroom looked small that night.

Even if it was bigger than my whole apartment from just over a year ago.

The walls felt plastered with paint and brick, a smell that always filled my lungs will dread.

Or maybe that's just how I felt, holding the orange bottle mixed with two types of pills.

A roulette of drugs, except ones probably illegal.

I took a deep breath, I had a cup of water sitting on the tiled floor beside me, just waiting for me to gulp it down after swallowing the pill.

Noah was asleep.

It was almost 1:00 am, so of course, he was.

The house was silent, but the bathroom felt loud.

The messed-up voice in my head echoed off the walls and straight back into my mind.

Just do it, you went through all this work to get these pills, there's no backing out now.

That voice had been my closest friend since childhood, it always seemed to guide me, just not in the right way.

I grabbed the orange bottle, struggling with the stupid childproof cap for at least a few seconds before it finally opened, revealing a pile of white pills.

They were all in similar colours, but for some reason, the stronger ones just stood out to me, I could see them clearer, I knew which was which and what I wanted.

I grabbed the off-white pill and didn't give my brain time to react, I just popped it in my mouth and swallowed, jugging the water.

And then the pill was gone, it'd be a few moments before it takes effect, but I already felt calm.

I brought my knees to my chest and stared at the ceiling, counting the tiles for three minutes until I felt something different throughout my body.

A feeling of nausea.

Fuck.

I ran over to the toilet and immediately vomited.

"Goddamit!" I screeched until I realized I was speaking out loud and I shut myself up.

Waste of a pill...

It must be because my body isn't used to it...

Now I only have nine left.
Nine left...

Nine left...

Nine..

L e f t...

My eyes fluttered open quickly and involuntarily.

The bright light of the sun hitting from outside and into the bathroom burned my eyes.

My head was killing me, god, this is worse than a hangover...

I sat up and looked around the room, thankfully Noah hadn't come in, I guess I woke up pretty early.

With a groan, I glanced at my pill bottle.

Nine. I repeated for the millionth time, the number was stuck in my head like a bad song.

I knew I had to get up before someone woke up and questioned me, I have too big of a headache to come up with an answer.

My feet felt numb, but I managed to stand anyway, holding onto the marble counter for support.

I put my pills in the cabinet, knowing Noah wouldn't question it, he never really questions what I take.

Rose only knows what I'm supposed to take.

And I only know what I want to take.

I stared in the mirror throughout the dimly lit room.

I could see myself clearly, and that bothered me, so I looked the other way, grabbing my phone off the counter and seeing a text from an unknown number.

Unknown
Hey, it's Elias

I rolled my eyes, sighing until the room wasn't spinning.

Me
Hello, the drugs you gave me made me vomit and then pass out for god knows how long.

Unknown
lol, dw it's just because your not used to a dose that high, next time you take some it'll be better.

Me
They better be

I didn't really know where that confidence I got when I talked to him came from.

What switch in my brain suddenly made it okay for me to blackmail him?

It's not like I really cared, at least right now, I'm sure I will later when I don't feel like everything in the world is closing in on me.

I took a deep breath and walked out the bathroom, phone in my shaky hand.

Noah was still fast asleep on the bed, so it was easy to just crawl up beside him, nuzzling in the crook of his neck where I always felt home.

God, please don't hate me for this love...