Sneaky

Chapter 74

Ominous silence festered over the atmosphere as the minutes ticked by. What could happen in the coming days looming over both of us. I pulled my knife into my lap, watching the amber light dance with shadows over the gleaming blade. The gleam that once proved to myself that I could handle anything that came at me, now seeming more & more foreboding of a day when I may have to use it against someone who I once believed had my back.

I remember the Shane Walsh I met on the first exit off that road. The night after they dropped the first bombs in the streets of Atlanta.

The night I met Glenn. One of the most important people in the world to me.

I remember accepting his handshake, despite not trusting him yet. I remember looking at Carl with his mother standing behind the man. I remember seeing Carol with her daughter, and my immediate wariness of Ed.

I remember Shane trusting me to find water even though we'd just met, and bring it back to everyone.

And when Glenn & I returned with Dale, Andrea, and Amy in the RV with that water.

I remember Shane being skeptical but saying he trusted my judgement. I remember being consulted on collecting so many survivors, and finding a place to set up because we both knew we couldn't live on the road forever.

When we found the quarry, the man asking if I thought it was a good place; Weighing the pros & cons together before asking the others.

I remember being sent out for food and coming back with two more mouths when I helped Daryl & Merle and spent two hours leading them around to find stuff and weigh whether or not I could actually trust them.

Shane didn't like it(Merle in particular), but because I had brought them in, he agreed to let them stay. He trusted me, and I trusted him. Not in the way I've grown to trust Daryl. I've never trusted anyone the way I trust the man next to me. But I trusted Shane because he was a good person. I knew he was, and not because he used to have a badge, but because of the way he looked out for everyone.

He reminded me of one of the older boys in the shelter I was a frequent flyer at. Always lookin' out for the kids, keeping the peace, and making sure that when kids fought, they made up because the only people who were really on our side were each other; even though many of us didn't even know one another's names and most of us were trouble.

That was the only shelter I was ever in out of the 3 or so, that felt like I could depend on someone else, even just a little.

I remember deferring to Shane's judgement. Watching his back on the runs he accompanied me & Glenn with when we went to risk finding ammo. I trusted him then.

I trusted him when I found out (in the most unfortunate way) about him and his partner's widow. And I didn't say anything because I trusted he knew what he was doing.

When Rick came back I trusted he would step back, or at the very least stop sleeping with the man's wife.

What happened?

Where did that person go?

How did that dark seed plant itself in his eyes? Where did it start? Why didn't I see it happening? Could I even have stopped it if I had?

Where will it spread from here? Being hurt is one thing, overreacting is another. I recognize that sickness in the mind that bleeds through the eyes in bone-chilling calm rage. But when I first encountered them, I was too young to know exactly what I was looking at. Too young and too scared to wonder If there's a chance he could wipe the fog away and see clearly again. If he knows where the lines are? Or if those are gone for good.