(A/N: Istg this is turning into "Incorrect Quotes from TheRandomPenguin's shitty ass book")
"And then I said 'No dad, I...uh, suck a dick' and I never saw the light of day again." Peter shot finger guns at the camera.
---
"That's because the author doesn't know the definition of pacing." Wade shrugged. "But, what--pfft, I heard Darius groan in the background."
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"He's definitely high."
"It's a puzzle, it's a maze." Harley added, causing everyone to laugh.
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"Go eat shit, you asshole." Tony yelled at Joshua. "I'm fucking Iron Man, what are you? Some weird ass...clone?!" Tony and Joshua stared at each other for a couple more seconds, before bursting into laughter.
---
"Hey--" Steve tried to say.
"If you really want me to--"
"Peter, I was speaking." Steve shot him a look.
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"Bro, how do you draw limp dick?" Harley asked. He paused, trying to remember the next line.
"I don't know Harley, how do you draw a limp dick?" Miles asked.
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"Sweet, you have a goober." Parker stood up. "Give it."
"First of all, fuck off." Miles said.
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"Sweet Caroline~" Wade sang, scrolling through Instagram.
"BUM BUM BUM" Peter screeched, startling Wade so much he dropped his phone.
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"Hiya! My name is Miles!"
"Hiya?" Peter asked.
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"Who's Peter?" He asked with a tilt of his head.
"Aaaaand CUT!" Susie exclaimed. "That was perfect!"
"Thanks, I know." Peter winked. He giggled directly afterwards.
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"Babe, just answer the question so we can move on." Wade stated seriously.
"Eat shit." Peter replied, causing Wade to choke on his own laughter.
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"Now this is usually the part where I fuck you senseless, but you don't have enough time for that." Joshua smirked.
"What the fuck?" Clint asked in between laughs.
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"I'm a fucking pretty princess." Peter mumbled whilst in hair and makeup.
"You know it." Wade shot him a thumbs up.
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"There seems to be traces of extraterrestrial life in his erythrocyte." Bruce examined.
"Shouldn't his...have...advanced leukocytes--" Tony cut himself off. "Shit."
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"Move out of the way bitches, I'm here and I'm a fucking star." Peter exclaimed as he waltzed in. He struck a pose.
There was silence for a few seconds before everyone burst into laughter.
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"Peter shot her a look of confusion."
Autocorrect: condom
The author: *shrugs*
"Peter shot her a condom."
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"Don't fucking interrupt or I'll put a fish inside your liver." Peter glared at her.
"Fucking rude."
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"I fucking thought I was retired, but the author just HAD to bring me back." Joshua rolled his eyes.
"Stop being a diva and get to work."
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Peter sighed. "I don't like myself." The room was in an awkward silence. "Dad, that was your cue."
"Hmm? What? I was eating a burger." Tony was heard from the other room.
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"Why am I here?!" Shuri yelled. "To serve some weird ass fantasy?! I am my own woman, I am worth more than a vine reference or two!"
"You tell 'em!" Peter yelled from behind her.
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"Harry...are you seeing this...?" Carrie asked. Harrison followed her gaze and his eyes widened.
"Wow." Harrison mumbled.
"Wow?! That's all you have to say?!" Carrie asked.
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"He's not even here."
"He's everywhere." Everyone looked to Steve, who was watching while eating a donut offset.
---
(A/N: This is from one I plan to make soon.)
"I honestly don't know how you managed to get us into this situation." Peter sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose.
"Hey, it's not my fault." MJ shrugged.
"You flipped off a cop!" Peter yelled at her, exasperated.
"Well, at least I get to spend more time with you." MJ smiled. Peter blushed.
"You're drunk."
"You're cute." MJ retaliated. Peter was practically a beet at this point.
---
"Honestly, why are we still doing this?" Wade asked. "Inevitably this oneshot book will end one day, then what? Do we quit Wattpad? Do we write another book? What happens?"
"Dude, we get it. You're pissed about not being featured in a real oneshot in awhile."
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"Ah, such a peaceful day." The author side.
"HEY!" Someone shouted in the distance. "WHEN ARE YOU GONNA BRING USM ONESHOTS BACK?!" The author ran away.
---
A/N:
The quality of my oneshots have gone downhill, it's actually sad.
*
Darius: Huh?
Vine: What's up?
Darius: What does "innocent bean" mean?
Vine: What? How do you not know?
Darius: Well, I don't know. I just never learned I guess?
Vine: Well, basically an "innocent bean" is a person who is super adorable and must be protected from all harm, why?
Darius: *blushes* O-Oh! W-Well, I was reading through the comments...and a lot of people were calling me that and I wanted to make sure it wasn't an insult--
Vine: I'm...protecting you from everything that could corrupt that adorable mind of yours.
YOU ARE READING
Spiderman Oneshots (Completed)
FanfictionSorry I couldn't get to most of the requests.
