Spiderman Oneshots (Completed)

Penis?

Shuri, Miles, Harley, Peter, and MJ were hanging out in a cafe.

This was ORIGINALLY going to be a date for Peter and MJ, but the others just decided to tag along.

"Do you guys stick your penises in your butthole to hide it?" Shuri asked suddenly. Harley spit out his lemonade, choking.

MJ looked at Peter, waiting for him to answer the question. "Uh," Peter mumbled. "No."

"Well then where does it go?" Shuri asked. "Is there a pocket?"

"Nope." Miles asked, unfazed and still looking through his phone. "Why do you think we wear underwear?"

"Because you feel bad that women get to hide their vaginas with fancy cloths." MJ shrugged.

Miles rose a brow. "Why don't we invite her more often?" He asked, gesturing to MJ.

Everyone glared at Peter, who smiled awkwardly. "Not my fault, I wanted MJ to still be somewhat shielded from this chaos."

"Fair enough." Shuri shrugged. "Anyways, so what happens when you have a boner?"

"It elongates." Miles answered, sipping his coffee. "It does a little pokey-poke through the underwear."

"Are you taking notes????" Harley asked Shuri.

"Not gonna lie, I thought Peter had his pee-pee stuck up his butt. It would explain his high pitched voice." MJ shrugged. Peter looked mildly offended but didn't say anything.

"Yeah that would explain a lot." Harley nodded. Miles and Shuri nodded in agreement.

"What the fuck guys?"

"Language." Steve said, popping up from the plant.

"Oh wow, he IS everywhere." MJ commented lazily.

"Nice callback." Shuri nodded.

A/N:

Idk man.

*

Susie: So...I was thinking we try octopus.

Darius: Octopus?

Susie: Yep.

Darius: Isn't there a good chance we'll choke?

Susie: Which is why we chew, silly!