Joe Sugg | Imagines

It's just too late

-Y/N pov-

I looked over the sleeping city that was London on this winter night. The leftover Christmas lights lit up certain areas, and the entire city seemed to be dancing along with everyone inside. The January air bit at my skin, causing goosebumps to stand along my arms, and my pink toned hands to shake. The music was loud enough to make the balcony shake and my cup seemed to tremble too; although whether this was due to the music or the natural nerves of my mind, we will never know. I took another sip as someone came to join me on the balcony.

"Y/n? Why aren't you inside man you're missing the fun!"

"I'll be in a minute," I turned to smile at Oli. "Just getting some air."

He edged closer to me until we were standing side by side.

"What's up?"

"Nothing. What makes you think anything's wrong?"

"Y/n." He looked me in the eye. "You don't fool me. You're drinking to forget rather than to get lit, it's obvious."

I broke the eye contact, focusing once again on the view.

"I'm fine, Oli. I'm so so fine."

I felt his eyes on me.

"It's Joe isn't it?"

"What?" I asked, my heart instantly racing at the mention of his name.

"It's Joe! You love Joe!"

"I do not," I fought back. "I don't love him. He's just a friend. Nothing more."

"Then why is it you've avoided him all night? Why is it that the one night he brings his girlfriend round, you refuse to be within twenty metres of him?"

"Look, Oli," I felt tears threaten to fill my eyes. "We can't talk about this here."

"But I'm right, aren't I? You're in love with Joe!"

"What?!"

I dropped my cup.

"Oh shit.." Oli muttered. "Gotta go guys."

I turned as he entered the building again, as Joe stood still. The clear liquid on the floor travelled.

"Joe.."

"You love me?"

A tear escaped my eye, falling down my cheek. Joe's face was pale, almost statue like. I couldn't meet his eye.

"Well? Do you? Is it true?"

I simply nodded.

"Oh no." He ran his hand through his hair. "no no no!"

Silence filled the atmosphere. More tears fell down my face, creating streaks in my make up. I had been keeping this a secret for four years. I didn't ever intend to tell him, especially not like this.

"How long for, Y/N? How long have you loved me?"

"Four years," I sobbed, so quiet it was barely audible. He let out a loud, frustrated groan.

"Oh my God Y/n why didn't you tell me? This could have changed everything, everything could have gone so differently."

I looked up at him. He looked past me, his eyes scanning over the city lights. I wanted to ask what this meant, what his reaction meant, but the words just wouldn't come out. Nevertheless he continued.

"Four years. Four whole years. Fuck Y/n. You should have told me, man."

He sounded angry, and broken, his voice shaking. The hairs on his arms stood to attention.

"Would it have changed anything?" I asked timidly. "Had I told you..would it have changed anything?"

"Of course it would Y/n, I dreamt of hearing you say those words for so long."

My heart race sped up. The tears stopped for a second.

"But that's different now."

"Different?" I asked, feeling the alcohol rising up from my stomach.

"Different, Y/n. Two years ago I would've done anything to hear you say those words, man. I was so in love with you."

The 'was' in the sentence felt as if a thousand bullets had been fired into my chest all at the same time. The blow was intense. It felt as if I had been struck back, like I had fallen over the edge and off of the balcony, and was now falling a thousand metres down to eventually be plummeted onto the pavement. That is the equivalent of the pain I was feeling.

"But I have Katie now," he continued. "And I love her, and I couldn't leave her. I couldn't hurt her Y/N you know that."

I watched as my tear drops hit the floor.

"So you don't love me anymore..not even a little."

"Of course I do Y/n, I always will. I just can't be with you."

"Maybe in a year, or in ten, maybe some other time. But right now, right here, you're not mine and I'm not yours. I'm so so sorry Y/n."

"Right.." I inhaled deeply.

"Are you like..okay?" He asked, warily.

"I can't do this."

I edged past him, making my way back into the building and through all of the drunken, happy people. I took note to look at his girlfriend quickly. She was pretty, and thin, and kind looking. She had the kind of face it hurt to look at. I continued to walk on, Joe's voice shouting my name audible as I opened the front door, tears streaming down my face. I edged towards the lift.

"Come on, I don't have time-"

"Y/N wait!"

I felt someone grab my wrist - Joe. As I turned to look at him he looked hurt. His eyes were light, his grip hard.

"Fuck it."

He leaned in, pressing his lips to mine in a short, dangerous kiss.

"I am so, so sorry Y/n."

"It's fine," I forced a teary smile. As the lift door opened I looked back at him.

"Maybe in a year?"

A grin covered his face. "Maybe in a year, Y/n. "

BY: calcumshot on tumblr