Steve's Diary

December 23, 1934

Dear Diary,

It's finally here. My favorite time of year... Christmas.

Only two days left and the celebration will be in high gear! I really hope it snows... that'd be super great.

Oh... but there's this thing tomorrow night that I'm not so sure about. The dance. You gotta be 16 just to get into the place (which I finally am) and then it's a formal evening and people tend to dance all night long with their partner but... there lies two problems.

1. I don't have a date.

2. Even if I did, I haven't the slightest idea how to dance.

Bucky to the rescue, as per usual. He told me yesterday that he had a fool proof plan.

For my sake, let's hope he's right.

————

"So what's this 'plan' of yours, Bucky?"

"Ain't it obvious? Ok lemme start with this. I got you a date."

Greeeaat. "Okay, and?"

"And I'm personally gonna teach you how to dance. It's not that hard, Steve."

"Pfffft, are you insane? There's no way anyone could ever teach me how to dance."

"Well you've never seen me dance. Let's just say that if anyone would be able to teach you, it's me. C'mon, Stevie, at least lemme try."

"Fine. It's three o'clock now. You've got an hour."

"If you're as terrible as you say you are, we're gonna need five times that."

"What?"

"Nothing. Let's just get started."

• • •

"So, Steve, you're gonna wanna make sure that you're the base. You're in the lead, so she's gonna follow you. If you mess up, she will too... and you're gonna get your feet stepped on," he said, calmly, as if it was nothing.

"Uhh ok."

"Now, form is key. You gotta stand straight, and move your feet at a constant rate or else she won't know what to expect. So, practice on me."

"Wait... What? How?"

"Okay okay, I'll show you first," he grabbed my waist with his left hand and placed my right hand on his shoulder. I felt my face go hot... damn it I must've been blushing, so I looked down. Then he held my other hand out... it looked like he knew what he was doing... at least from what I could see. Out of nothing he pulled me in, super close. Too close... I think. Maybe. "Like this. See?"

"Mhm," was all I could manage to say.

"Now, you're gonna wanna sway together. Your legs stay planted but your hips are the base of your movements... okay?"

"Mhm," And with that, he started moving. His hips, I mean. Oh Lord, here we go.

"Just follow my lead. And pay attention to what I'm doing, because you're next," I felt him looking down at me but I refused to look back up.

We moved in sync like it was the most natural thing to do. With each step I followed, with each sway or slightest movement of his hips I did the same thing.

Was it getting hot? Am I sweating from this little exertion? Is this like a work out... nope. It's just me and my delusional self. His hands were on me, fine. But, as if it's anything more than a tutoring session. Foolish of me to think of it as anything more. Oh but the way I'm pushed up onto him so close, I can feel... literally everything. The heat coming from his abdomen... are those abs? Oh God, help me. His belt buckle hitting my stomach and his... uh, nevermind.

I looked up at him again and there were sparkles in his eyes as he looked down at me. "Got it?" He asked.

"Uhh yea, I think I've got the hang of it..." I said, sounding more confident than I really was.

"Alright let's switch then," he suggested as he stopped moving altogether.

Oh shit.

"... okay," I stepped away. In approaching him, my hand met his waist and his met my shoulder. I took his hand in mine and pulled him close. There's that feeling again... "like this?"

"Yep. Perfect," he smiled down at me. So I started moving my feet. "Good pace, Steve. Now just move your hips a little..." he moved his hands away from our form and instead grabbed my hips and started manually moving them along with my foot movements. "See?"

I could barely concentrate on what he was saying... those thoughts flooded my brain and it's like I can't even stop them for a second. "Wha- uh, yea..."

He chuckled. "Try again."

So I did. Over and over and over again. Countless times we did the routine and boy was I tired at the end of all of it.

"Holy crap it's hot," Bucky said. Rightfully so, as he was sweating profusely. He even had stains on the arm pits of his shirt. I was hot too, but I wouldn't dare say anything. "D'you mind if— y'know what, nevermind. It's not like it's something we've never done before..." and he pulls off his shirt.

Ok, yea we've been swimming before but (1) that was a while ago (2) we were both in swim trunks (3) we hadn't just been pressed up against each other for the past six and a half hours.

My eyes felt like they were popping out of my skull. Mercy on me, Lord - please, but I couldn't help it anymore. I felt something in me change in that moment. It was like a revelation in my body that exploded from nothing. He was gorgeous. God, it feels so wrong but I can't help it. I can't help what I feel... even though I'm not so sure what it actually is that I feel at this point.

His beautifully sculpted abdomen was literally glistening with sweat. His hair pushed back, away from his wet face... and the arms on this man. Make it stop! I can't even look at him without feeling my stomach churn. Good or bad? No clue. Probably both.

"Steve?" I was staring.

Oh fuck me man, no way.

"Uh, yea?" I acted like it was nothing. Even though it ever-so-obviously was not nothing.

"You okay? You're eyes kinda—"

"Yea, I'm just tired. I was kinda spacing out there for a sec..." nice save, Rogers.

"Oh," he chuckled. "Yea that was pretty intense, not gonna lie."

I think your definition of intense is a whole lot different than my definition of intense, at this point, Buck.

"Mhm. Hey, you wanna stay the night?" What the hell am I doing.

"Sure. Is your mom ok with that?"

"Yea she won't mind."

"Cool..... Oh, let's get back to dancing," he insisted. I groaned. "C'mon I'm just tryna help."

"Fine. One more hour, max."

"Sounds good."

—————

So we danced. It was definitely more than an hour but at least I got to... nevermind.

In the end, we both ended up sprawled out and (unintentionally) on top of each other on my bedroom floor on this old light blue blanket I have.

Unfortunately, it didn't seem like things were pointed up for me right now. Because when I woke up, he was already up and brushing his teeth.

I was cold and alone on the floor. Maybe I'm just imagining all of this.

~ Steven Grant Rogers