Steve's Diary

October 30, 2015

Dear Diary,

After being cooped up at the new Avengers facility upstate, I feel like I'm going stir crazy. Yet, at the same time, I don't know where the Hell else I'd go even if I could.

It's fine. I'd rather be here getting stronger everyday than wasting my life away doing literally nothing.

I have to break my records somehow... I mean, 1,000lb benchpress isn't nearly enough! Clearly, I need to push myself to do better.

—————

It was just a normal Friday evening and we'd already eaten dinner together, like we usually did, and we all went back to our rooms. The only difference was that Natasha had followed me back to mine.

I closed the door behind her after she came in. When I turned around, she was already seated on my nicely-made bed.

"D'you really make your bed every morning?" she asked.

"Yea, it's a little bit of a habit for me at this point," I replied and sat next to her.

"I can tell," she chuckled, patting the covers.

I rolled my eyes at her. "So, why did you follow me here, anyway?" I asked uncharacteristically boldly.

"What?" she started, leaning into me. "You don't want me in here with you tonight?" she smirked and put her arm on my chest.

I smiled at her and watched as her eyes flickered down to my lips. "Nat..."

"Oh, so now you don't even wanna kiss me?" she pondered, letting her lips linger above my own.

"N- it's not that, I-"

"Then do it," she interrupted me.

I cupped her jaw in my hands and placed my lips gently on hers for a moment, allowing her to control the progression.

I pulled away. "Now," I began. "Why are you actually here?"

She sighed, revealing that I'd caught her in that little white lie she'd just told. "Well... I kinda, sorta, wanted to talk to you about Sharon."

I felt my eyebrows crinkle. "Sharon?"

"Yes, Steve. Sharon. She's single, you're single- why not?"

"And... this?" I replied, motioning between our bodies, trying to throw her off this lead she was already on.

"Us, you mean?" she questioned.

"Yea," I confirmed. "What about us?"

"What about us?"

"Nothing, I... I don't know about her," I said honestly.

"Of course you don't! You won't even give it chance," she explained.

"I don't even want to, Nat. I'm still- I'm still in love with that other- dame."

She waited. "Right, I forgot about her."

I nodded and paused. "I just can't find it within myself to move on just yet. There's something inside me telling me to wait and I don't know if I should listen to it."

"I would."

"Huh?"

"All I mean is, if I were you, I would listen to my gut," she told me. "It's important to trust your instincts- especially when everything's heightened."

"Yea... I guess you're right," I admitted.

"Oh, please- I'm always right."

And, with that, she stood and walked to the door. She turned to send me a look that I couldn't quite read and, before I had the chance to say anything more, she was gone.

—————

It sucks because I wanna tell her- I wanna just sit her down and tell her everything.

That it's a man I'm in love with and yes, it's Bucky. It's always been him and it always will be.

I just wish I knew if she is to me now what Peggy was to me in the '40's. Can I really trust her with this information? Like, I can't risk everyone finding out, right? Hell, I'm surrounded by super-humans, mutants, master assassins, a couple of weapons masters - one of whom happens to be a literal genius - and a literal mythological Norse god... God, I'd be dead in a minute!

Maybe I should just talk to the one person I can about this... Peggy herself.

~ S. R.