Dear Diary,
Two years.
Two years, two days ago, she left me.
It's getting easier but I don't think the pain will ever go away. And I don't think I want it to, either... I want to always carry her with me, even if it has to be through this terribly unbearable and indescribable pain.
I need to be able to feel something. Anything.
—————
"I know it's hard, Steve, really. And... I'm- I'm just really proud of you for having a handle on it this time around," Bucky said to me, putting his hand on my shoulder.
"Thanks, Buck."
He looked at me for a second before motioning towards the floor and insinuating that we sit down on the kitchen tiles. I raised my eyebrows and he shrugged, so I figured we might as well seeing how there was nothing else left to do.
"You know I love you, don't you?" I asked him.
"Well, I de-"
"No. I mean it seriously. I feel like no matter how many times I say those words, they're never enough," I tried to tell him.
"There more than enough, Steve, don't you get that? Gosh, Sarah wrote it herself, how much she felt that energy between us."
"It's just so hard to ac-"
"-tually believe, I know, trust me," he interrupted. "That doubt is there, I know it is. I can see it and I feel it too but you need to trust what I'm telling you here and now. Trust that what you and I have makes me free, Steve. Trust in the fact that I feel so incredibly liberated because of what I see in you. Because I see the love right in your eyes, Stevie..." he paused. "You tell me I'm your world but... I see galaxies in your eyes," he stopped again. "What i mean is... well, the real marvel of it all is that you simply don't see how much I love you too."
I couldn't help but let the prickle in my eyes fade into tears of happiness.
"I swear to God you should be a poet," I whispered.
"You know I couldn't do that, now don't you?"
"What the hell are you on about?"
"Well, I know if I were to do that the only thing I'd end up writing about is you, and there's no way my unadorned words could ever do such a perfect and unparalleled personage any true justice," he explained.
"Well- damn, okay," I replied, completely and utterly dumbfounded.
—————
It was almost as if in that moment I realized that there wasn't anything to worry about. Our love seemed to be paralleled and truly proven beyond a reasonable doubt.
It's been truly extraordinary, this day, and I haven't the slightest idea how I'll find it in myself to merely process all this information, nevermind fall asleep tonight without thinking of him for hours and hours on end.
As old sorrows seem to fade, new obstacles seem to blossom out of nothing.
And, Christ, this whole 'love' thing doesn't seem to be getting any easier.
Not even in the slightest.
~ Steve R.
YOU ARE READING
Steve's Diary
Romance[BEING REWRITTEN RN] Steve Rogers is just a kid from Brooklyn. Despite what he may think, that doesn't mean his life won't become a revolving door for change. Even simply living a normal life in the 1930s is a task he cannot seem to follow through w...
