Steve's Diary

September 20, 1935

Dear Diary,

This sucks.

I'm stuck in my room all day except for bathroom breaks and meals.

I can't even see Bucky. It's been five days since our last meet and I cannot deal with it any longer.

—————

I look upon my open windowsill as I awake from my deep sleep, forgetting my nights dream. I see a small paper swaying slowly in the midday wind.

It's a letter.

Steve,
Sorry I got you in trouble. Meet me tonight? I'll be in the tree if you wanna meet up. I really hope you do, I have something I wanna tell you about...
-Bucky

And that was it. That's all I was left with. A letter and a decision.

But my choice was clear.

• • •

The sun went into its nightly hiding and the moon peeled up to say hello.

I sat up in my bed wondering what I should do. There were pros and cons for each and I was weighing them out in my brain.

- Go and risk getting caught then grounded even longer.
- Don't go and sit up wishing I did.
- Go and have a great time with Bucky all night.
- Don't go and leave him out there all alone.

Okay, I'm going.

The house was so still that I could hear the clock ticking down the hall. With every tick I got more and more anxious. I really wanna see him, so terribly bad. I felt like every molecule in my body is pulling at me to go out there... so I did.

I rose to my feet and put some slippers on. They're probably not proper footwear for tree climbing, but it would do for now I suppose.

The weather was getting cooler so I donned my dark blue robe and walked towards the window. I opened it slowly so no noise would follow, and I was successful in my endeavors.

I stepped up onto the stool before me and looked back, as if my mother would be standing there behind me... waiting for me to make s mistake of some sort.

She wasn't. So I proceeded.

I climbed up and sat on the windowpane. I looked around for him. When I didn't see him, I worried. Maybe he's not coming.

"Hey... Steve," I could barely hear it, like a whisper... a figment of my imagination. "Steve," a little louder now. I look to my left and there he was.

I couldn't stop my eyes from drifting down and lingering on his shirt. It was white and it stood out in the night, not to mention how tight it was. I don't think it would have fit if it was any smaller.

"Oh, hey Buck." I was still in the window. I didn't wanna be too loud with fear that my mother might wake and hear me. I closed the window most of the way after lowering myself carefully into the tree next to Bucky.

We just sat there for a moment and looked at one another in silence. Neither of us smiled, it just was.

His eyes wavered. "C'mere," he said, extending his hand. I leaned over and started his way. His hand met my lower back and his lips met mine. Yet, even here he wanted more. He pulled me in more. I pulled away, there was nowhere for me to put my feet, I couldn't stand.

He looked at me longingly, as if he wanted more. I found a branch, but it was beyond him. I looked back up at him and extended my foot towards the branch and in doing so found myself nearly on top of him. We were in line and I let it happen.

We kissed again and I felt us touching. His chest on mine, his hand on my back as the other met my face. I was positioned almost in his lap, though he didn't seem to mind.

Our lips broke for the slightest moment and he murmured "Steve..." quietly to me.

I opened my eyes and looked at him almost as if I knew what he was thinking. He took me by the back of my head and pulled me in hard, though that wasn't the only thing that was hard.

It felt like he pushed his hips upward to meet my own, and that took me by surprise. Not that it was unpleasant... I actually kind of, well, nevermind.

I exhaled harshly when he did that and he chuckled a bit. "What?" I asked.

"Mmm... nothing... just..." he kissed me again. "I like kissing you. And I know you like it too."

It was so odd to hear that being said in real life and not just in my mind but... wow, I really did like it. Thank God he feels the same way.

"Well then maybe you should do it again," I finally said.

"Mmm you might have to make me," he replied.

I leaned in and hovered over his lips, letting them slightly touch and making him want it even more. He leaned up to catch me but I pulled away and smiled down at him.

"Come on!" He laughed and tried to catch me. I laughed too and finally gave in.

His lips were so soft, they felt like home to me. I can't even really explain it in any better words.

"Bucky?"

"Hmmm?" He replied, trying to pull me in more.

"I gotta go in now... I can't risk it with my mom and—"

"Oh, uh, yea yea. Go. Just..." he kissed me again. "Go," he said with a smile.

I smiled back and headed back up to my window. I could feel his eyes burning holes through my skin... I've never known what that was like until now.

Once I reach my window, I look back at him and he's smiling gleefully up at me. I crawl in and shut the window behind me.

I did it.

I took off my slippers and robe and sat down on my bed. I pressed my fingertips on my lips and smiled at the memory that had just taken place.

I never knew that this could actually happen. I always figured it would remain as a dream. Something fantastic and, unfortunately, unachievable.

As I laid back, I realized that he felt the same way I did and that this could only get better from here.

I reached down to my boxers and felt that I was... well. So I, uh, let's just say I gave myself a hand.

It felt so good, too. No no... not that! Dirty mind.

—————

It felt good to know how he feels about me. It's comforting to know that we're both lost in our own new lives. This has completely changed my perception of my conceivable reality, nothing will ever be the same for me.

And that's a good thing.

And that's all thanks to Bucky.

~ Steven Grant Rogers