Steve's Diary

February 14, 1939

Dearest Diary,

Why do I always think the worst things are the most realistic things?

Ugh, this potential war has got me in some sort of funk, for a lack of a better word. I just can't seem to stop thinking about the fact that we could be separated. Like, for real for real.

It's so hard going through this... so difficult thinking that this may very well be our last Valentine's Day together for God knows how long.

I suppose all I can do right now is hope.

—————

I walked into him, taking in that beautiful woody-mint scent that emanated from beneath his shirt. I inhaled slowly through my nose and let my eyes do the talking for once, rather than let my stumbling words thicken the cool February air.

He rested his back against the wall as I brought my arms around his neck, taking it as a sign that I wanted to take the lead and that he was going to let me. To be fair, I liked the way it had always been, the ever-so-obvious dynamic between us... but now, now that I feel so lost in so many other regions of our lives, I need something that can be all mine and completely in my control. This - us - we're all I have right now. This moment is ours to share and I wanted to be in control for once.

I wanted to control the one thing I felt was still mine to control.

I let my fingers run through his hair and the kiss intensified almost immediately as a result. I felt empowered from this newfound role that I had just assumed out of nothing. I felt this sudden overpowering urge to move my hands across his shirt so that I might rub the fabric down until it was completely raw- to the extent that there wasn't, in fact, any more fabric left between my palm and his bare chest.

I started my journey down from the back of his neck until I was at his covered chest. My fingers were somehow drawn to the buttons in the spin of the moment and knew exactly what to do seemingly all on their own.

I allowed myself to hold my breath and hover my lips over his while I fiddled with each individual button until it was undone, only then would I give in for the slightest second so that we might kiss until I felt so compelled to pull away all over again.

He seemed restless, so I pulled back so that I could look at him and decipher what he was thinking. The second I did so, though, I found myself pushing the weight of my whole body pushing against his which was, evidently, pushing up against the wall.

He moaned into the air, though I immediately regretted the fact that he wasn't able to do so right up against my very lips. It was like this insatiable desire... this feeling of want that was so strong that it hurt because it was so annoyingly unattainable.

I found myself, eventually, pulling his shirt out of his pants... I thought I was being graceful about it, too., but I later realized that I was, in reality, rushing and trying to reach the end goal: seeing him stark naked.

My fingers trailed slowly down his warm, strong chest before reaching his upper abdomen. I let my fingertips crawl across his skin, sending noticeable shivers through his body... I could tell by the slight ripples and jumps and tenses of his abdominal muscles. The farther down I got, the more intense I could tell the feeling was coming to be within him.

I neared his pant line and encountered that beautiful little happy trail leading down past where I could see. I kept my eyes on his lips and, quite frankly, my lips on his lips, too. I wasn't really all that sure, though, if he was liking this whole role reversal thing

I guess the only thing I knew for sure was that in this moment, more than anything I had ever wanted in my whole life, I wanted him to want me.

I snuck my hand into the front of his dress pants and I felt his lips pull away from me for a second as he inhaled a quick breath. His hands found their way to my waist in that moment so that they might snake around in order the get a firm grip on my ass. I hummed into his mouth as he did so, giving myself away in that I definitely wanted him, too.

I began undoing his pants' button and took off his belt before pulling down the zipper. I tugged his pants down a little bit and he shrugged them off the rest of the way down. What a relief that is, I thought, my mind wandering down to my dick after catching a glimpse of his beneath his underwear... I was already so hard and it had been merely five minutes.

God, that feeling was so intense... it was all warm around the base and felt like a kind of pressure all over and, to be honest, I loved it. The feeling was more like a hypersensitivity which, thus, forced me into being hyperaware. I felt the soft fabric of my boxers which wasn't doing all that good of a job protecting me from the zipper of my pants which was starting to hurt like Hell.

I suppose he got the hint because as soon as his clothes had all been stripped off, all but his dark red boxers, he started at my suspenders... then my shirt buttons, and finally my pants' zipper.

As he took me in for a warm, strong and completely unexpected hug, I began to feel like I was falling apart... like I wanted so badly to be in control this once. Oh, but I suppose in that regard, I'm my own ultimate enemy, huh? I knew I, subconsciously, wanted him to do with me what he wished... I knew I would inevitably give in to his power-covetous appetite.

And like clockwork, he spun us around, pinning my back to the very same wall I had just held him up against. His hands rested against the wall at either side of my head, making me stay in place and feeling almost as if I couldn't move at all. I held his forearms in my palms and looked into his hungry eyes.

He didn't do anything for a moment... he just stood there and looked at me, all of me. He inched closer and didn't take his eyes off of my lips. I tried to get closer but he would pull away. I knew this was his way of telling me who was on charge here... this was payback for trying to take control of him. He was making me want it, and that had seemed to be his only goal.

He slowly slid down to his knees as he pulled my underwear down... making me think that for a second he might have-

Before I knew what had happened, he had pulled his underwear down as well, stood up, wrapped his hands around my ass and pulled me up around his waist. God, he was so warm against my body.

He was... right there. I felt this nudging, like he was prodding right up against me.

Without warning, he pushed in, making me throw my head back at the suddenness of it all. He thrusted and seemed to push me farther and farther into the wall, if that's even possible.

I had one hand around his neck and decided to use the other to... help myself out. He looked down at what I was doing and then back up to my face before pulling me into a kiss. I moaned into his mouth as he increased in pace.

The buildup was unbearable... I was so incredibly close.

He pulled quickly away from my lips and groaned into the space between us, stopping all movement. I watched his body tighten before slowly relaxing once more as I felt that all-too-familiar warmth push into me. I saw white ribbons begin to cover his chest and felt a rushed heat push all through my body.

I then watched him as he pulled out and put me down. He pulled me in for a little kiss before smiling at me, and I couldn't help but melt.

—————

After all of that, when I was in out room all alone before he had come in for the night, I cried. At first I hadn't really known why. Then, it hit me.

This was, potentially, out last Valentine's Day together. What if he leaves for the military? God, I don't even want to think about it.

I refused to think about it. I can't think about it.

Because that means it's all coming to an end.

That's what finally makes it real.

~ S. Rogers