Steve's Diary

August 13, 1938

Dear Diary,

I spoke too soon. Wayyyyyyy too soon.

The storm picked up and it's been a nightmare quite honestly. It's practically a hurricane at this point.

I've been in bed all day, trying not to give away my fear... but I think he's found me.

—————

I lay in my bed, unmoving.

It's three in the afternoon and still dark as night. The wind is whipping and rain is slashing up against the windows.

I'm staring at the ceiling.

The blankets are on the floor with my pajama shirt and pants. The power flickered off about two hours ago therefore: no electricity and, thus, no fans.

It was hot as hell and there was literally nothing to do.

Bucky was probably sprawled out on the couch in the other room or something and I should really let him be... but I couldn't find it in myself to stand one more second of this loneliness. I feel like I'm being so needy but, it's like every second we're apart, I miss him.

The room suddenly filled with a bright white light and my head spun to look out the window, knocking my thoughts straight from my head. I couldn't see anything but light until, in a split second, it had gone.

Now allow me to explain this, because it's often confusing to people who don't experience it themselves. Lightning is not the thing I'm afraid of... it actually gets rid of the seemingly eternal darkness (which I happen to be afraid of). I mean, sure, it would really bite to get struck by it, but in the end it's not all that bad. Now what follows, I'm not overly fond of.

A loud boom echoed through the room and rumbled on for a few seconds directly thereafter.

In literally no time at all, my bedroom door had flung open and my knight in shining armor was standing right in the doorway.

Thank God.

From the look on his face I could tell he was looking right through me. That he could see the fear in my eyes.

"Bucky..." I started.

"I know," he immediately replied, walking closer. He laid right next to me, holding my hand.

The room filled with light and I watched his face light up. He looked concerned as he looked into my eyes. As the loud boom quaked through the room, I tightened my grip on his hand and he pulled me close to his body.

"It's alright," he whispered calmly into my ear as he held me tight, "I've got you."

The storm went from bad to worse over the next few hours, making me shake and sweat profusely. I was terrified, but lucky that he was there for me.

And so we laid there for hours and hours and hours not saying a single word or moving a single muscle. We waited for the storm to pass, and as it slowly did, I listened to his soft unlabored heart beating in his chest.

As I rested my head on his shoulder, his arms wrapped around me and our legs entangled into one and it grew to be so incredibly hot in that room between the lack of space and the boy sweat... I realized that in this moment, dear God, I wouldn't dare let go.

That I will never let go.

—————

I feel like we've gotten so much closer these last few months. Saying something that used to be so difficult like 'I love you' has now become so incredibly normal.

I know he's there for me, in other words. Everything he does seems like it's for me.

Ugh I wish he could know to what extent I really mean it when I tell him I love him.

Because when it comes to that, I really never have meant anything more.

~ Steve Rogers