Steve's Diary

July 25, 1939

Dearest Diary,

I think this is the last of my entries as I am... I'm getting ready for a change today that I can't even begin to imagine.

Project: Rebirth has seemed so unreal for the longest time, but now? Here I am, and I have no idea what I've gotten myself into.

I was woken up this morning earlier than I would have woken up naturally myself, which was rather unanticipated if I'm being honest. The worst of it all was that it was someone I didn't even know. It was like waking up to a world all on my own. He told me to get ready and that 'they' would be here in 20 minutes, at 6:30am, to pick me up.

It's times like that where I forget where I am. The only other times I'd been woken up by someone was back at home in Brooklyn when Bucky would stir in his sleep. Today, I feel, I'll think of him a lot more than I usually do because of how much I wish he was here with me.

Anyway, I got up as soon as the man left and got dressed in the uniform that he had left for me. It was the same color as the dress pants I wore on a daily basis and it, without any surprise whatsoever, got me thinking about old times... about Bucky, all over again.

I brushed my teeth and combed my hair, holding the hat provided in my hand for later. As I walked back to my bed, I made sure all my stuff had been put away. Just then, Agent Carter knocked and walked through the door, telling me that they were ready for me and would be waiting outside... so I followed her.

We got into the backseat of a black sedan, everything about it simply reminding me of all the times Bucky and I went on adventures in his dad's black Buick.

She'd told me it would be a bit of a drive from Camp Lehigh, but hadn't said anything about where we were actually going. From there, conversations between she and I were a little... awkward? I don't know, something just kind of felt off between us. I kept looking at her and tried to figure out what she was feeling or thinking through body language but God knows I'm terrible at reading people. So, I just sat there and looked out the window, minding my own business.

The weirdest of everything was that I expected to feel tired, and understandably so after only having slept for maybe 3-4 hours... though, I surprised myself with this sort of energized feeling.

Maybe that's what a mix of no sleep and nervousness will do to you.

—————

7:00am

As we made our way deeper into New York City, I saw kids playing baseball in the streets. It all felt so familiar to me. I looked around for more things that might bring me back in time to a place where Bucky and I were together.

The driver of the sedan beeped at the kids to move out of the way when I realized where we were. "I know this neighborhood," I said to Peggy. "I got beat up in that alley," I pointed down the street at the place where the man had met me after the movies that one day only a few weeks ago. "And that parking lot," I continued, remembering when a different man had called me a faggot a few years ago as I had been walking with Bucky down the street. "And behind that diner," I added, thinking of when that man had been talking so terribly to some dame about what they were going to do that day. Ah, yes, the good ol' days.

We sat there in silence for a brief moment before, in her beautiful British accent, Ms. Carter asked me a question. "Did you have something against running away?"

I shook my head because she didn't understand. She hadn't been there when my mother had told me to always stand up, no matter what happens. She didn't know what it was like growing up like I had... having to learn almost everything on my own without any friends until Bucky came along only five years ago.