Steve's Diary

September 26, 2016

Dear Diary,

It's been nearly all of September and we've spent it almost exactly the same as we would have if we were just passing through Wakanda as we did all the other towns.

Sure, one big difference here is that we probably had sex every night at least once, but that's not the point.

T'Challa had plenty of time to collect his test results and work on a solution and proposal for us and we've waited all day stressfully for 8:30pm to come.

And, now, it was finally here.

—————

We had been waiting outside the conference room since 7:53pm because that's what we do, I guess. Be there early.

King T'Challa and a few armored women walked past us and entered, so we stood from the chairs we'd been occupying and followed. They had already been seated when we made our way through the door.

"Please," he motioned his hand. "Have a seat. We have much to discuss."

Okay, now I'm worried.

"Thank you," I replied, sitting, as Bucky sat next to me. "What've you gathered?"

"Well, Captain, not much, if I'm being completely honest," he told us.

I looked at Bucky and his facial expression displayed the confusion I very obviously felt. "What, exactly, do you mean?"

"Well, his sleep schedule was nearly perfect in terms of going to sleep at the same time every night," he began. "There were only two night terrors over the course of the month and they were in no way related to his past as The Winter Soldier. Additionally, as Shuri and Okoye watched over you both, they deemed conversations and actions to have been normal with nothing to worry about. As a matter of fact, they relayed to me that you, Captain, have been doing a good job of watching him closely and keeping him from the edge that none of us even seemed to have noticed."

"So, what are you saying?" Bucky asked.

"I'm saying you don't need my help," he stated. "You need not stay in Wakanda for treatment, as you have nothing to treat."

"I-"

"Steve," Bucky interrupted me, looking over as if to say he had it under control. "Your Highness, with all due respect, I feel as though you are terribly mistaken. Sure, I'm feeling a lot better and haven't been having nightmares nearly as often as I used to... but in no way am I healed completely."

"What is the issue you see, then, Sergeant Barnes?" he asked.

"Everything HYDRA put in my head... it's all still there," I heard him say. "It's encrypted, so I can't remove it myself, but I feel it. It can only be accessed from someone on the outside with the right set of passwords."

"Continue," he told me.

"I need you to get their grip off of my mind. Sure, we're all safe now, but the switch can be flipped," he snapped, "like that. All anyone has to do is say those Goddamn words and I'm gone. The issue isn't so much dealing with reminders of what I went through or dealing with the trauma and PTSD - Steve can help me with that... it's this lingering fear that anyone can take over me at any moment and with little warning."

"I see," T'Challa agreed. "What is the trigger for The Soldier?"

"It's a set of words," Bucky responded. "A different set was made for each soldier, actually... Each of mine have a strangely specific significance and have to be said in order and in Russian. If I tell you them and all about them, I need you to help me and make sure the list doesn't get out. Who knows what would happen if it got into the wrong hands again."