Steve's Diary

May 29, 2014

Dearest Diary,

I do not have a problem, okay? Just... I need to go to that damned museum down the street and see what this whole Captain America exhibit is all about.

That's all this is.

Mostly.

—————

I made my way to the Smithsonian National Air and Space Museum on Independence Avenue SW... that's where they had my exhibit set up.

They had signs set up showing me as 'the living legend' and as a 'symbol of courage'... as well as a man on a speaker talking about my story and how it's one of 'honor, bravery and sacrifice', but, I don't really know about all that.

I walked up to the one section where they discussed the old me, who I still felt was more the real me than this person I've become. I looked at him on the wall and read the description.

PRE-SERUM
WEIGHT: 95 lbs.
HEIGHT: 5'4"

POST-SERUM
WEIGHT: 240 lbs.
HEIGHT: 6'2"

I listened to them talk about my poor health and how Dr. Erskine picked me for Project: Rebirth to become the very first super soldier, in so many words.

I made my way across the other exhibits, too, those that displayed me and the other Howling Commandos. They had my uniform on display... they had Bucky's on display, too. Hell, there was even a color photograph of him on the wall next to me. It feels like I almost forgot how vibrant his ice-blue eyes truly were.

I walked over to Buck's exhibit to read it... It read:

A Fallen Comrade
When Bucky Barnes first met Steve Rogers on the playgrounds of Brooklyn, little did he know that he was forging a bond that would take him to the battlefields of Europe and beyond.

James Buchanan 'Bucky' Barnes
Born in 1916, Barnes grew up the oldest child of four. An excellent athlete who also excelled in the classroom, Barnes enlisted in the Army shortly after the attack on Pearl Harbor. After Winter training at Camp McCoy, Wisconsin, Barnes and the rest of the 107th shipped out to the Italian front. Captured by Hydra troops later that fall, Barnes endured long periods of isolation, depravation and torture. But his will was strong. In an ironic twist of fate, his prison camp was liberated by none other than his childhood friend, Steve Rogers, now Captain America.

Reunited, Barnes and Rogers led Captain America's newly found unit, The Howling Commandos. Barnes' marksmanship was invaluable as Rogers and his team destroyed Hydra bases and disrupted Nazi Troop movements throughout the European Theatre.

Bucky Barnes
1917-1944

How could they possibly get it so wrong? I mean, where to even begin?

I suppose, for one, he certainly wasn't my comrade. Well, I guess he was that too but... we were more than that. We were- God, we were everything. It was my whole world, Hell, it still is. Oh, and we met on the sidewalk in Brooklyn, not at a playground.

Also, I have no idea how they could have messed this up but he was born in 1917, not 1916. And, he was one of two siblings. It was only him and Rikki- er, Rebecca... he also wasn't the best student, just saying. But that part about him enlisting after the attack on Pearl Harbor is completely inaccurate. He didn't enlist, he was drafted; not to mention Pearl Harbor was in December of 1941 and he was drafted in the spring of 1939. The rest of that paragraph was pretty much true.

But the whole section about Bucky never actually having used his incredible marksmanship could not be more false. I mean, sure, we were in movies and such, but we fought real battles more often than not.

Again, the dates are wrong. It should say 1917-1945, seeing as he quite literally fell from that damned train in 1945- January 20 to be exact... how could I not remember that terrible day?

After correcting everything in my head, I continued to watch the little film they had set out and listen to the man on the speaker. They showed clips of us together and talked about how we were inseparable, how he was the only one to give his life... but I don't see it that way.

He didn't give his life, he lost it.

Then, I walked into one of the theaters they had set up where they were showing a video of Peggy Carter. It was from an interview in 1953. Christ, she looked the same as she always had and she was talking so highly of me. I then heard her mention her husband, which honestly made me very happy for her... at least she was able to be with and marry a man who loved her the same as she loved him.

I pulled out my compass, the one I had looked at as I crash landed The Valkyrie on the day I was presumed dead. I saw the picture of Peggy in there, just where I'd left it. I peeled it back a bit, just then, too, to see the picture of Bucky we'd hidden simply sitting there as well. I smiled to myself as the memories - the secrets - she and I shared flooded back.

—————

It was then that I decided I would go visit her, seeing as S.H.I.E.L.D. informed me that she was, in fact, still alive.

I had to do this.

She was the only living person from back then that I could bear to see- she was the only one with whom I could, and had to, talk.

~ S. Rogers