Steve's Diary

December 24, 1939

Dear Diary,

It's really been a long year for me... I don't even know where to begin explaining all the events of it.

I suppose, for one, I've been this so called 'Captain America' for what feels like a lifetime, honestly, even though it's only been five months. If I'm looking at it objectively, though, it was actually kind of hard... at least at first.

I had that whole speech as part of the play/musical thing and that was a lot for someone who was, really, just trying to get used to my new skin. I don't know, I suppose I expected life to get easier after the transformation. Sometimes I just wish Dr. Erskine was here to talk to me about how it'll all be okay.

After I got over the initial 'learning curve', if you will, I guess it's safe to say I really do like it like this. Sure, a lot is asked of me and, sure, maybe it's all a bit difficult to keep up sometimes, but I know I'm getting better at it everyday.

I've been moving all across the United States for this gig... putting on shows in all the major cities so that more people will buy war bonds (which, obviously is important to all the men out there), even though it gets lonely. Of course, I have all the show-girls and the show director and choreographer and whatever, but none of them are really my friends, are they?

I don't really find myself thinking about this... all the loneliness... unless it's a time like now. It's Christmastime and, God, do I wish Bucky was here with me. I don't even like to think about him or write about him in my diary because it forces me to remember all of our god times together. Of course, I love them and will never forget them, but missing someone who's still here get's extremely difficult.

Missing mom is completely different. She's gone for real and there's no chance of me actually seeing her again in this life... but, Bucky? It kills me knowing he's out there without me.

If only space - distance, I mean - was irrelevant.

Since my last entry (which was really long ago, now that I'm looking at it in terms of time), so much has happened.

One of the most out of this world things to have happened was the fact that I was in a movie. A real life action movie. They've been using it to promote the film and, honestly, I love it in all of it's black and white glory. The people seem to really love it, too.

It's like I'm a real life war hero, which is all I've ever really wanted anyway. Somehow, though, this feels a lot less real.

Then, there was this guy named Stanley (or something like that) who asked me if I'd like to be in a comic book he was trying to start up. Of course, I couldn't turn down the offer to be part of something I loved for so many years when I was growing up, so it was a definite yes.

Of course, it'll be a few months or potentially years until Captain America #1 (which is what he told me the name would be) is released to the public, but I think it'll be worthwhile. As for projected time span, Stanley told me it would probably be released in the spring of 1941, which, seeing as it's only a little over a year from now, is pretty close. He even said I'd be the first to hear of it and the first to get the completed copy.

And so, Captain America #1 joins the list of things I can't wait to see, second only to Bucky, of course.

It's been such a short span of time wherein so much has happened... I can hardly wait for the next couple of months. Hopefully there'll finally be something really worth my while coming up soon.

~ Steve R.