Steve's Diary

June 30, 2014

Dear Diary,

I decided to make a little pitstop today, to see a friend.

I feel like I deserve at least that after losing so many.

—————

I made my way to The United States Department of Veteran Affairs... the VA, as Sam called it just a few months ago. I said I would stop by, right?

I made my way to the desk and asked for him, telling the woman there that I was looking for a friend (Sam), trying to impress her like he said he wanted me to do. She seemed impressed too, to which I smiled and walked in the direction she told me with a thank you.

"The thing is, I think it's getting worse," I heard a woman said. "A cop pulled me over last week. He thought I was drunk... I swerved to miss a plastic bag. I thought it was an IED."

An Improvised Explosive Device? A bomb? These veterans they... they're having a meeting for, what, exactly?

"Some stuff you leave there," Sam started. "Other stuff, you bring back. It's our job to figure out how to carry it. Is it gonna be in a big suitcase, or in a little man-purse? It's up to you."

I decided to wait outside the meeting to talk to him after it had finished. He approached me after shaking hands with everyone there.

"Look who it is, the running man," he said to me, referring to the whole 'on your left' thing, I suppose.

"Caught the last few minutes. It's pretty intense," I admitted.

"Yea, brother, we all got the same problems," he explained. "Guilt, regret."

"You lose someone?" I asked.

"My wingman, Riley," he told me. "Flying a night mission. Standard PJ rescue op. Nothing we hadn't done a thousand times before. Until an RPG knocked Riley's dumb ass out of the sky... nothing I could do. It's like I was up there just to watch."

"I'm sorry," I answered, really meaning it, and speaking from experience.

"After that, I had a really hard time finding a reason for being over there, you know?"

I nodded. "But, you're happy now, back in the world?"

"The number of people giving me orders is down to about zero, so, Hell yea," he told me. "Are you thinking about getting out?"

I shook my head. "No... I don't know. to be honest, I don't know what I would do with myself if I did."

"Ultimate fighting?" he proposed, making us both laugh. "Just a great idea off the top of my head. Seriously, you could do whatever you wanna do." he paused. "What makes you happy?"

Bucky.

"I don't know," I replied, really unsure about that whole topic. I mean, what's my purpose of even being here anymore if he's not here with me? Hell, he and I were supposed to be old and grey by now, together.

I, then, made my way home... or, at least the temporary apartment they assigned me in D.C. and parked my motorcycle at the side of the building like usual. Walking up the stairs once inside, I heard a woman talking.

"So sweet- that is so nice," she said, as she was on the phone, leaving her apartment with her laundry. It was that Nurse, Kate, from down the hall that Natasha was trying to set me up with a few months ago. "Hi," she greeted me as I passed her and waved. "I gotta go though... okay... bye. My aunt- she's kind of an insomniac," she told me. "Yea."

I smiled at her, thinking about what Natasha said. "Hey, if you want- if you want... you're welcome to use my machine," I told her, regarding the laundry basket she was holding. "Might be cheaper than the one in the basement."