Steve's Diary

November 23, 1943

Dear Diary,

Peggy is finally back from wherever she had to go for the whole Goddamn month. Now, she's finally ready to talk to the Colonel with me. I can only hope for the best, can't I?

—————

"Colonel Philips," I said, approaching his little desk set up area.

"Well, if it isn't the Star Spangled Man with a Plan," he addressed me. "What is your plan today?"

"I need the casualty list from Azzano," I began in a rush.

"You don't get to give me orders, son."

"I just need one name, Sergeant James Barnes from the 107th," I told him.

"You and I are gonna have a conversation later that you won't enjoy," he said, pointing his pen at Ms. Carter.

"Please tell me if he's alive, sir. B-A-R-"

"I can spell," he interrupted me, standing up. "I have signed more of these condolence letters today than I would care to count. But... the name does sound familiar. I'm sorry."

I stopped for a moment and reflected in on everything I had been hoping I'd hear him say and how God awful it felt when he said the one thing I'd hoped he wouldn't. I couldn't find it in myself to fully register what he'd said, though, no matter how hard I tried. He's dead. He's gone and I'll never see him again... at least that's what the Colonel told me. If it's true, then why can't I accept it? Why is this so unimaginably difficult for me to believe?

The only thing left for me to do, I guess, is to keep on as if he'd said something else.

"What about the others?" I asked. "Are you planning a rescue mission?"

"Yea, it's called 'winning the war'," he told me.

"But if you know where they are, why not at least-"

"They're thirty miles behind the lines, through some of the most heavily fortified territory in Europe. We'd lose more men than we'd save- but I don't expect you to believe that because you're a chorus girl."

Now he's just outright making fun of me? For something he forced me into by not giving me a place in the military?

"I think I understand just fine," I retorted.

"Well, then understand it somewhere else," he told me, walking away harshly. "If I read the posters correctly, you got someplace to be in thirty minutes."

It doesn't seem like this day could get any worse. The Colonel has no respect for me and certainly none for his men that he's chosen to just leave out there in Azzano... and Bucky's-

Never mind.

I caught a glimpse of the wall behind where the Colonel was just standing and I took a closer look at it just now and realized I knew just what I could do. "Yes sir. I do," I replied to him even though he couldn't hear me.

"If you have something to say, right now's a perfect time to keep it to yourself," the Colonel said in return, having heard nothing of what I'd just said and barely even noticed that I was halfway gone.

I made my way out of the tent and into another, where I began to gather up my jacket and other necessities.

"What do you plan to do, walk to Austria?" Agent Carter replied as she followed me in.

"If that's what it takes," I answered, determined to get those men back to the base.

"You heard the Colonel. Your friend is most likely dead," she tried to sway me into not going.

"You don't know that," I said, determined to find Bucky even if there was only a slight chance that he had survived.

"Even so, he's devising a strategy. If he detects-"

"By the time he's done that it could be too late," I interrupted her as I walked out of the tent briskly.

"Steve!" She called after me as I placed my things in one of the nearby Jeeps.

"You told me you thought I was meant for more than this. Did you mean that?" Im asked.

"Every word."

"Then you gotta let me go," I told her, getting into the vehicle.

"I can do more than that," she replied, coming over to the driver's side of the Jeep.

—————

Basically, she told me that we'd take action later tonight... or, rather, very early this morning.

Peggy said she'd be able to get in contact with Howard Stark, who has an airplane that he'd be willing to fly me over Azzano with.

Please let this work... I'm hopeful that it will.

~ Steve R.