Steve's Diary

December 25, 1935

Dearest Diary,

Christmas is finally here! This is the day I wait all year for!

It's not even about the presents for me, to be fair, it's about spending time with each the people I love. Speaking of which, Bucky's family is coming over too. We're having Christmas dinner together at six but I don't think I can wait that long to see him... I mean, it's 9am. Ugh.

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"Oh lovely, Steven, James and Rebecca and George are here," she announced, walking towards the front door. "Welcome! Come on in, all of you!" She stepped aside and allowed them to walk in.

I watched him a he walked in. He turned to my mom and thanked her with a big white smile on his face. He looked at me up and down with big eyes, the smile falling from his face (as no one was in front of him to see, he was the first one to walk in).

"Hey... Steve..." he walked right over to me and pulled me into a hug... It was one of those side hugs, but it felt deeper and more meaningful than that. When we separated it feel like a part of my soul was ripping away from me.

• • •

Dinner was good... Only one fish instead of the traditional seven but it was still good because, well, because Bucky was sitting to my left the whole time. In the end, we were all just sitting around the table and talking about what we planned on doing in the following week.

I wasn't really listening. I was looking out the window to my left, observing the pink-grey sky as the sun set. At the fluffy clouds that rolled along the skyline and the flurries of snow that fell and eventually piled up on the grass (which wasn't even visible anymore at this point).

Bucky turned to me, "y'alright?"

I blinked and paused a second before I looked over at him. "Oh, uh, yea... Why d'you ask?"

"Well you were kind of staring out the window and everyone else... Uh..." I looked up and everyone else had gone. They were in the living room listening to the radio and it was just Bucky and I sitting at the table.

I chuckled, "wow. They've just up and left without us."

"Well I did tell them to after all. I knew you were thinking about something and I wanted to get down to the bottom of it... you know, both figuratively and literally."

My voice turned to a hushed angry whisper of sorts. "Buck! Hold your tongue here, jeez. They're right in there... I can't have someone, uh,"

"Finding out? Hmmm?" He leaned closer to my ear. He slowly brought his tongue out and licked my earlobe, then bit down on it lightly. "Find out that..." His voice got shallow and quiet. "That you want things you shouldn't? That you want me. That you like our kisses. That you like it when I hold you against the wall and whisper sweet nothings into your delicate ears. That you like my cock and fucking crave it,"

"... Buck..."

"That you want to do it all over again. The kissing and whispering and touching and... moaning and grunting and... licking. You want me to go down on you again. You know you do, Steve. You know you do. Don't you, Steve? Steve. Steeeeeve? Hello?" And I snapped back into reality. The two of us sitting at the table and no one else. I was daydreaming.

"What?" I asked.

"I asked if you wanted to go to your room or if you'd rather go in the living room with the rest of them...?"