Steve's Diary

October 30, 1937

Dear Diary,

Bucky has officially moved in and there are, honestly, no words to express how good it feels.

But in all truthfulness, its not all that new... not all that different.

As for room assignments... I've tried to pick a room for each of us in this tiny little apartment that is now in my name, but I couldn't. It's too difficult.

You see, I want my old room but I also want my mother's old room. Giving one of those to Bucky seems unjust for some reason. But then where do I put him?

My bed is a twin so we both can't comfortably stay in there and obviously there isn't a guest room. My moms room has a queen bed and that's where we've been sleeping, you know, when he sleeps over.

Is it really right to have us both in that room together, uh- permanently? I'm kind of unsure.

I mean, I don't think she would mind, right? Seeing how we've been doing it already- uh, not 'it', it... I mean, not 'that'... I meant we've been sleeping together in there- wait, ugh, not like that... never mind.

Anyway, she won't mind. She would have said it in the letter seeing how she practically told me she knew about 'us'.

She knew how much I needed him then... I now know how much I still need him and how much I will continue to in the future.

It's incredible how much we've grown together this way. Our dynamic is so incredibly unique that it's nearly unfathomable to all others. No one else seems to understand that.

I know he's more than my buddy; he's more than 'just' my pal. It wasn't a realization that came with the letter from mom, it's more than that. I knew this whole while. I knew we were more than I was willing to accept.

Although I can't say it out loud, seeing how I can barely write it down, I can still live it to its fullest extent.

We can be who we really are here and now... there's no one stopping us. Mom had it right when she said that.

I just wish I wasn't so afraid to act on it.

~ Steve Rogers